Click the Play button to tune in to an infinitely (or at least indefinitely) regenerating stream . . . The Infinite Glitch cycles randomly through every musical/audio chunk in our database, including the original Devil Glitch recordings, The Major Glitch online extended version, and the ever-growing pile of new submissions.

Read on for intimate details on the history of this socio-pholosophical endeavor and how you can contribute to what started off as a simple 6-minute pop song and has grown to a 5:31:45 crowd-sourced new age gospel, also known as the "gag that defied its sire".

Enjoy the project in its original CD length, listen chunk by chunk, stream it as an infinite loop, or access the song's wisdom from The Glitch Oracle. But most importantly, PLEASE check out the "Contribute" page for guidelines and tools so YOU can become a part of "The Infinite Glitch" project.

- Chris Butler
(Joke-Taker-Too-Far-Er)

In 1995, I wrote and recorded a song called The Devil Glitch, which clocked in at 5:03. One day, I'm trading off playing demos with muso pal Nick Berry from Dots Will Echo, and he plays one and I play one and he plays one and then I play him "The Devil Glitch", apologizing sheepishly 'cause the vamp at the end is 12 choruses long and I don't remember if he said it or if I said it or if the caffeine said it but suddenly we're both giggling 'cause the problem with the song isn't that it's too long it's that it's too short! and wow!...wouldn't it be cool to fill up a whole CD with choruses??

So that's what I did. Three months later I'd written over 550 of them (usually in the early, early morning before the cares of the day shut off the joy valve). I then recorded the whole thing at one sitting with an acoustic guitar (the chords are A Bm D6) to an 114 BPM click track in 20-minute chunks at Harold Dessau Studios in Lower Manhattan, with Scott Anthony engineering (and soon to be drafted as the project's long-time, long-suffering Sys Op). The next step was to pass out 2-3 minute chunks on Alesis ADAT cassettes to people I've worked with and asked them to add their own background accompaniment on synths, spoons, tuned vacuum cleaners...whatever. This was in April of '95, thinking I'd have everything back by May and the whole thing assembled by Memorial Day.

Wrong. It took a year to get everything organized, but that's okay 'cause the software to actually glue the thing together wasn't available in '95, and Freedy Johnston took forever to hand in his piece (worth it) and Liam Sternberg (Mr. "Walk Like An Egyptian") from Akron and now France had to do his too and Kramer (who had been the Waitresses original sound man!) had to be goosed to get his bit in (also worth it) and don't get me started about my Mom (never try to produce your Mom).

Scott stitched the whole thing together using SAW+ (we had become a Beta project for the software!), having to regrettably edit the long version down to allow for the original 5:03 song, since at the time CDs could only hold 74 minutes of audio.

Then, thanks to the internet - there was NO time limit, so I began the process of expanding the song, making an online version that hopefully would go on for hours and hours. And it did: The Major Glitch.

"Then there's ex-Waitress CHRIS BUTLER'S 69-minute (!) single, "The Devil Glitch" (Future Fossil, CD), a screwy swinger with an hour's worth of Butler lyrically vamping on the end chorus as friends, old band mates, and relatives (including Freedy Johnston, Kramer, and Butler's mom) mess with the music. Weird, long-winded, wonderful."

David Fricke, Rolling Stone Magazine, June 26, 1997, p.56

THE CAST OF CHARACTERS

• Chris Butler - words, music, and production
  
• Paul Moschella - drums
  
• Matt Azzarto, Jim Higgins, Paul Moschella, Chris Gefken - backing vocals
  
• Chris Gefken - extra bass snazz on the Long Version
  
• Supervising Engineer - Scott Anthony

  Other Musicians/Bands
  in order of appearance
  

• Mars Williams
  
• The Whatnots
  
• Liam Sternberg
  
• Fear of Falling
  
• The Gefkens
  
• Bianca Bob Miller
  
• Michael Baker
  
• James MacMillan and Freedy Johnston - The Know It All Boyfriends
  
• Michael Aylward
  
• Harvey Gold
  
• Kramer
  
• Christopher D. Butler
  
• Mrs. Irene Elizabeth Butler (The Artist Formerly Known As Mom)
  
• Morgan McNeish
  
• The Fluxus Midwest Paper Cup Marching Band
  
• Scott Anthony

For a laugh, I sent a copy of the CD to the Guinness Book people, thinking I might have inadvertently set a record. Their response was "Maybe. Yep. Prove it." Guinness required for independent verification, and although I knew it to be a valid claim, getting others to confirm it became a "computer era" question, where information becomes available only if the question is phrased correctly.

For example, neither the Library of Congress (where American copyrights are registered), BMI and ASCAP (the USA's major performance rights organizations) nor The Harry Fox Agency (collector of mechanical rights) can search their databases for length...only by title and author. Luckily, David Sanjek of the BMI Archives was able to confirm my claim stating that "I know of no other commercial piece of music that received sufficient public distribution that comes close to "The Devil Glitch" in length and scope." William Shurck, the Sound Recordings Archivist at Bowling Green State University's Music Library and Sound Archive, also saw no reason to dispute my claim, based on his "...40-plus years of working with popular music."). Homer's "Illiad" and "Odyssey" were actually "sung". . .but no one is around who remembers how it goes. "Alice's Restaurant"? A mere 19-minutes, and it's as much talking as it is a "song", which is legally defined in America as a "lyric with a melody". I'm sure my record has long been broken, and as far as i know, Guinness has retired the category, but the original project was fun to do, and it's nice to be recognized...even for such a dubious achievement.

8 couplets contributed by Tyler Zahnke:

Sometimes you can fix something just by listening to Cher,
Do you believe in life after love?

Sometimes you can fix something just by praying to the lord,
Even you come from above

Sometimes you can fix something just by talking on the phone,
To the one that truly understands you

Sometimes you can fix something just by being alone,
See where in the world it lands you

Sometimes you can fix something just by listening to tapes,
Keep your mind of new stuff like mp3

Sometimes you can fix something just by forgetting about the Democrats,
Listen to Rush Limbaugh and vote GOP

Sometimes you can fix something just by being a geek,
Edit Wikipedia rhubarb

Sometimes you can fix something just by putting on a show,
Like a comedy with Dick Van Dyke

11 couplets contributed by PATRICK CULLIE:

Sometimes you can fix something
With chewing gum and spit.

Sometimes you can fix something
By just ignoring it.

Sometimes you can fix something
And fix that sucker good.

Sometimes you can fix something
But that don’t mean you should.

Sometimes you can fix something
Some times you should not.

Sometimes you can fix something
With just a simple knot.

Sometimes you can fix something
If you have the tool.

Sometimes you can fix something
And look the perfect fool.

Sometimes you can fix something
With hammer and a nail.

Sometimes you can fix something
But sometimes you might fail.

Sometimes you can fix something
If you’re that kind of bloke,

But sometimes you can fix something
That isn’t really broke.

6 couplets contributed by Mike iLL:

Sometimes you can fix something by reducing the problem to an abstracted version of the problem, so you don't get distracted by details

Sometimes you can fix something by breaking the problem into multiple sub-problems, each far less insurmountable-seeming than the last.

Sometimes you can fix something by reading a book called The Nature Doctor
And supporting the disease in doing its healing as opposed to suppressing the symptoms.

Sometimes you can fix something by using a ton of fucking discipline
And not using words like fuck in your vocabulary unnecessarily.

Sometimes you can fix something by giving it attention in the middle of the night when aspects of life like the phone bill are sleeping.

Sometimes you can fix something by not being afraid of your own power
Feel that? The universe is offering it for a reason.

Sometimes you can fix something by just writing a letter
Whether or not you ever send it.

Sometimes you can fix something by not racially stereotyping
Not every Puerto Rican is a Jewish banker with a giant penis

Sometimes you can fix something by just going to bed
When the phone bill is starting to wonder if it's time for breakfast.

12 couplets contributed by General Gary Jackett:

Sometimes you can fix something by
by takin' out the trash

Sometimes you can fix something by
scratching' that old rash

Sometimes you can fix something by finding'
your old stash

Sometimes you can fix something by
throwing' a party bash

Sometimes you can fix something by
smoking' all your hash

Sometimes you can fix something by
burnin' it down to ash

Sometimes you can fix something by
avoiding a crash

Sometimes you can fix something by
breaking with a smash

Sometimes you can fix something by
instigating a clash

Sometimes you can fix something by
whipping' with a sash

Sometimes you can fix something by
growing' a mustache

Sometimes you can fix something by
trying' to make a splash

Sometimes you can fix something by
playing' guitar with Slash

Sometimes you can fix something
with heavy metal thrash

Sometimes you can fix something by
doin' not a thing

31 couplets contributed by Liam Sternberg:

sometimes you can fix something by just never growing up
damn right the world owes you a living

sometimes you can fix something by just being ashamed
guilt's a valid motivation

sometimes you can fix something by just blaming the world
avoid all introspection

sometimes you can fix something by just making a choice
after weighing all your options

sometimes you can fix something with a mnemonic device
an aide to memorization

sometimes you can fix something with just a slap on the wrist
constructive criticism

sometimes you can fix something by just getting spanked
young man, I hope you've learned your lesson

sometimes you can fix something by just making a stink
blow things way out of proportion

sometimes you can fix something by just getting a Mac
DOS is such a lousy system

sometimes you can fix something by just moving out
try a trial separation

sometimes you can fix something by just trying to hide
"nobody here but us chickens"

sometimes you can fix something by just fixin' it in the mix
tho that is lazy production

sometimes you can fix something by just screaming "shut up"
now stop all of this bitchin'

sometimes you can fix something by just introducing yourself
make a good first impression

sometimes you can fix something by just blowing some smoke
the ancient art of obfuscation

sometimes you can fix something by just hiring a flack
improve your public relations

sometimes you can fix something by just being a crook
even Nixon got a pardon

sometimes you can fix something by just getting a shot
update all your vaccinations

sometimes you can fix something by just being upbeat
brimming with enthusiasm

sometimes you can fix something by just feeling doomed
sit back and wait for Armageddon

sometimes you can fix something by just faking your death
skip out on your obligations

sometimes you can fix something by just getting a life
everybody needs a mission

sometimes you can fix something by just looking it up
ask your local librarian

sometimes you can fix something by just looking it up
let your fingers do the walking

sometimes you can fix something by listening to NPR
especially Morning Edition

sometimes you can fix something by just losing your shirt
bankruptcy means a new beginning

sometimes you can fix something by just going to work
fill out that job application

sometimes you can fix something by just watching Fox
The X-Files or The Simpsons

sometimes you can fix something by just watching The Tick
the best thing on Saturday morning

sometimes you can fix something by just writing a note
give ‘em a good recommendation

sometimes you can fix something by just taking a look
learn by careful observation

32 couplets contributed by SmartBunny:

sometimes you can fix something by just breaking a plate
ceramic deconstruction

sometimes you can fix something by just tempting fate
are you truly up the junction?

sometimes you can fix something by just placing a bet
if the ace is in your pocket

sometimes you can fix something by just pressing re-set
is the plug firmly in the socket?

sometimes you can fix something by just calling a vet
we'll need a stool sample

sometimes you can fix something by just vetting a set
Ooh! I like the pink one.

sometimes you can fix something by just etching a sketch
good luck with those diagonals

sometimes you can fix something by just kvetching a stretch
quit your stitch and bitching

sometimes you can fix something by just felting your gelt
Yo, who's got my sheckels?

sometimes you can fix something by just gelding yourself
now where'd I put those pliers?

sometimes you can fix something by just diving a muff
tuna predilection

sometimes you can fix something by just fermenting the duff
mmm, single malt scotch whiskey

sometimes you can fix something by just drinking the stuff
estrogen filled soy latte

sometimes you can fix something by just thinking of guff
not another word, young lady!

sometimes you can fix something by just rounding a curve
love my cordless router

sometimes you can fix something by just loving the Pounce
Meow Mix is for suckers

sometimes you can fix something by just watching it bounce
two sports bras could help that

sometimes you can fix something by just mouthing the count
confound those pesky numbers

sometimes you can fix something by just pimping it out
I like Chelsea's new hairdo

sometimes you can fix something by just surpressing your doubts
somatically delicious

sometimes you can fix something by just airing it out
visit Dr. Judy

sometimes you can fix something by just baring your clout
speak softly, but carry a big stick

sometimes you can fix something by just limping with gout
who's the rich man now, Falstaff?

sometimes you can fix something by just working the pout
works better for the ladies

sometimes you can fix something by just pulling a pint
Guinness counts as food

sometimes you can fix something by just fudging your lines
only Shakespeare will notice

sometimes you can fix something by just kludging your kit
homebuilts are so nerdy

sometimes you can fix something by just sleeping a bit
another forty winks

sometimes you can fix something by just grabbing your tits
SO NOT breast obsessed

sometimes you can fix something by just writing a tune
Guinness Book of Records

sometimes you can fix something by just by just wondering what
and why and who and how

sometimes you can fix something by just fixing it
other times it stays broken

9 couplets contributed by Pamela Beth Grossman:

Sometimes you can fix something by just leaving it be,
Accept the imperfections

Sometimes you can fix something by just setting it free,
Let it run in all directions

Sometimes you can fix something by just taking the bridge,
Dammit, the tunnel's always a mess

Sometimes you can fix something by just cleaning the fridge,
What's the smell? Stop trying to guess

Sometimes you can fix something by just handing out doughnuts,
Even if it doesn't work you still have doughnuts

Sometimes you can fix something by just going to yoga,
And focusing on your breathing

Sometimes you can fix something by just ceasing to care,
It never helps to keep feeling

Sometimes you can fix something by just numbing your gums,
Especially if you're a baby who's teething

Sometimes you can fix something by just setting it down,
It's not your job to fix everything....

14 couplets contributed by Maiku:

Sometimes you can fix something by giving it one more try,
You might just get it right this time

Sometimes you can fix something by admitting you don't know,
Lack of intelligence is not a crime

Sometimes you can fix something by being in the scene,
Go out there and make some new friends

Sometimes you can fix something by just apologising,
Go make some peace and make amends

Sometimes you can fix something by going out and exploring,
You never know what you will find

Sometimes you can fix something by ripping off Jeff Lynne,
"You got me running, going out of my mind"

Sometimes you can fix something by Sometimes you can fix something by,
Sometimes you can fix something by repetition

Sometimes you can fix something by getting something to eat,
No need to die from malnutrition

Sometimes you can fix something by not believing the BS,
Let them know that you know they are a liar

Sometimes you can fix something by dissing the haters,
Rhubarb rhubarb can go die in a fire

Sometimes you can fix something by a little backmasking,
Rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb

Sometimes you can fix something by a little free verse,
Rhyming that last line is too difficult

Sometimes you can fix something by practising your moonwalk,
Pay your homage to the King of Pop

Sometimes you can fix something by pressing your luck,
No rhubarb, no rhubarb, STOP!

12 couplets contributed by The Parkway Charlies:

Sometimes you can fix something by packing it away
And take that trunk down to the station

Sometimes you can fix something by waging a big war
We need a little conflagration

Sometimes you can fix something by looking through that glass
I fell in love with that distortion

Sometimes you can fix something by switching off the news
Roll with a little self-absorption

Sometimes you can fix something by slowing it down
Quaaludes, 1977

Sometimes you can fix something by sitting in a pew
But that is someone else’s heaven

Sometimes you can fix something by editing yourself
Go back on all your punctuation

Sometimes you can fix something by drowning it in wine
You know I go for that libation

Sometimes you can fix something by doing it in the road
Did Paul and Linda really go there?

Sometimes you can fix something by staying in your bed
I’d let you down if I had the hair

Sometimes you can fix something by taking a blue pill
Who wants a seven-hour erection?

Sometimes you can fix something by voting from your grave
Let’s hope they’re throwing that election

27 couplets contributed by Matt Hickey:

Sometimes you can fix something by
choosing a side, the only side

Sometimes you can fix something by
acknowledging there's no detente with this connection

Sometimes you can fix something by
noting the energy moving in one direction

Sometimes you can fix something by
passing the parcel, especially if it's ticking

Sometimes you can fix something by
telling me that it's another

Sometimes you can fix something by
believing any day can be fantastic

Sometimes you can fix something by
being heather-bound in the grass

Sometimes you can fix something by
not going so merrily against it

Sometimes you can fix something by
meeting the hour when we depart

Sometimes you can fix something by
with every single being wilting away

Sometimes you can fix something by
watching time run while we wait

Sometimes you can fix something by
just leaving it with you

Sometimes you can fix something by
figuring out how to make the bear go away

Sometimes you can fix something by
looking in the shadows on the shelf

Sometimes you can fix something by
solitude which belies in a dream

Sometimes you can fix something by
with yesteryear's snow and the green of spring

Sometimes you can fix something by
evoking the smell of tobacco and hairspray

Sometimes you can fix something by
with the promises of a post-war world

Sometimes you can fix something by
turning plastics into telephones

Sometimes you can fix something by
greeting men in suits with crystal cut glasses

Sometimes you can fix something by
hearing jetliners filtered through the lobby

Sometimes you can fix something by
shifting a gaze, and then it's gone

Sometimes you can fix something by
illuminating particles in the air

Sometimes you can fix something by
a wig demanding the gallery to stand

Sometimes you can fix something by
placing oaks in a forest of stone

Sometimes you can fix something by
echoing words of law passing into history

Sometimes you can fix something by
penning a visual which pales to this tally

10 couplets contributed by Mike iLL:

Sometimes ya can fix something by
Just making a list

Sometimes ya can fix something by
Looking at the list

Sometimes ya can fix something by
Just ignoring it

Sometimes ya can fix something by singing everything that's on it
Preceded by the words, "sometimes you can fix something by".

Sometimes you can fix somethings by accepting that it's broken
'Supposed to have your kids making each other scream

Sometimes ya can fix somethings by
Just going to school

Sometimes ya can fix somethings by
Not having a reason why

Sometimes ya can fix somethings by
Just letting them scream

Sometimes ya can fix somethings by
Just being a bug

Sometimes ya can fix somethings by... by... by
Singin' bye 'n' bye

17 couplets contributed by Scott Anthony:

sometimes you can fix something by just tuning in
you never forget your first doctor

sometimes you can fix something by going to a police box
it just might be a tardis

sometimes you can fix something by calling in a dalek
prepare for extermination

sometimes you can fix something by getting an upgrade
prepare to have no emotions

sometimes you can fix something by using a dead-lock seal
it stops a sonic screwdriver

sometimes you can fix something by using a neural lance
be sure to change the settings

sometimes you can fix something by activating the Chameleon Arch
time to change your race

sometimes you can fix something by just taking a poll
which one of you is least important?

sometimes you can fix something bi-curious by trying it
it might not be the fit you feared

sometimes you can fix something by going back and reading the directions
which you should have done in the first place

sometimes you can fix something by letting it lie
problems have a way of solving

sometimes you can fix something by feeding it pi
no one likes a hungry apparition

sometimes you can fix something by asking your friends
and buying everyone a pizza

sometimes you can fix something by just ignoring it
and hoping it goes away

sometimes you can fix something by turning it off, then turning it on again
reboot the operation

sometimes you can fix something by just repeating the past
don't be afraid to look too stupid

sometimes you can fix something by just forgetting the past
because it's all about the future

2 couplets contributed by Bill Janoff:

Sometimes you can fix something by just doing nothing
You just gotta let it go

Sometimes you can fix something by doing nothing at all
You just gotta sit back and go with the flow

8 couplets contributed by Livingston Leo:

Sometimes you can fix something with a new tube and speakers,
But some old jams, they're all gone

Sometimes you can fix something by moving a mountain
Just get some friends to help you

Sometimes you can fix something with a simple phone call,
Just call and say, "I love you"

Sometimes you can fix something by just knowing someone,
Just call and say you know Butler

Sometimes you can fix something by cooking it longer,
Well done, attaboy!

Sometimes you can fix something by just whipping it out,
Them good looks, they don't matter

Sometimes you can fix something with a soft, gentle kiss,
Tame the wild best inside her

Sometimes you can fix something by causing a commotion,
Chaos is an answer

25 couplets contributed by The Gefkens:

sometimes you can fix something by just deciding to die
thank you, Dr. Kevorkian

sometimes you can fix something by just having a dick
there's nothing wrong with being masculine

sometimes you can fix something by just asking a pro
some problems need a trained technician

sometimes you can fix something by just crossing your fingers
tho that's only a superstition

sometimes you can fix something by just being wrong
mea culpa, mea culpa

sometimes you can fix something by just startin' to chant
NOM MYOHO RENGE HARE KRISHNA

sometimes you can fix something by just going New Wave
get black jeans and a Farfisa

sometimes you can fix something by just having a shtick
like Liberace's candelabra

sometimes you can fix something by just taking the train
efficient public transportation

sometimes you can fix something on the L.I.R.R.
dream on, dream on, dream on

sometimes you can fix something by just joining a frat
become a Lion or a Mason

sometimes you can fix something by just polishing a turd
'til it shines like a diamond

sometimes you can fix something by just making a plan
organize your operation

sometimes you can fix something by just drinking some wine
loosen up your inhibitions

sometimes you can fix something by just being sweet
maintain a pleasant disposition

sometimes you can fix something by just being cruel
that's how horses are broken

sometimes you can fix something by just trying again
sometimes you win by being stubborn

sometimes you can fix something by just saying "oh well"
a feeble rationalization

sometimes you can fix something by just waving the flag
demagogic jingoism

sometimes you can fix something by just being numb
anesthetize your real feelings

sometimes you can fix something by just blasting away
'til you run out of ammunition

sometimes you can fix something by just studying Bird
solo with upper extensions

sometimes you can fix something by just knowing the chords
A B minor D eleven

sometimes you can fix something by just courting the rich
it really helps to have a patron

sometimes you can fix something by just being rich
poverty is not fun

sometimes you can fix something by just being rich
a Gen X Trust-a-farian

30 couplets contributed by Bianca Bob Miller:

sometimes you can fix something by just killing the rich
I welcome that revolution

sometimes you can fix something by just checking your math
redo your calculations

sometimes you can fix something with just a tambourine
sweeten the track with some percussion

sometimes you can fix something by just screwing up
lower people's expectations

sometimes you can fix something by just lifting a line
i second that emotion

sometimes you can fix something by just getting a machine
automation speeds production

sometimes you can fix something by just dropping a name
it really helps to have a maven

sometimes you can fix something by just keeping a straight face
don't let 'em know you're laughing at 'em

sometimes you can fix something by just building a box
look what that did for Phillip Johnson

sometimes you can fix something by just refusing to vote
the last I cast was for McGovern

sometimes you can fix something by just checking the line
maybe it's just a loose connection

sometimes you can fix something by just putting on a show
like Mickey Rooney & Judy Garland

sometimes you can fix something by just having a good spot
location, location, location

sometimes you can fix something by just working up a sweat
success is 9/10ths perspiration

sometimes you can fix something by just getting a lock
just don't forget the combination

sometimes you can fix something by just knowing the code
some data's hidden by encryption

sometimes you can fix something by just saying it again
make your point with repetition

sometimes you can fix something by just poking around
everybody's hiding something

sometimes you can fix something by just calling a strike
go to binding arbitration

sometimes you can fix something by just having one
if you're the only one who has one!

sometimes you can fix something by just having one more
complete your collection

sometimes you can fix something by just being wild
resist domestication

sometimes you can fix something by just quitting your job
start living like a Bohemian

sometimes you can fix something by just going right now
there's too much traffic on the weekends

sometimes you can fix something by just growing a beard
avoid the misery of shaving

sometimes you can fix something with just the perfect scene
like waltzing in Grand Central Station

sometimes you can fix something by just taking a look
deputize a delegation

sometimes you can fix something by just saying amen
thus endeth the lesson

sometimes you can fix something by just hating the beach
that worked alright for Brian Wilson

sometimes you can fix something by calling Tom Goodkind
he's the master of shrewd thinking

1 couplets contributed by Harvey Gold:

Sometimes you can fix csomething by simply outlasting
Cowboys can't die while on their feet

lean on a tree and just keep-on-standing
Can't die if you just don't go to sleep

Sometimes you can fix something by keeping your pants on
No baby mamas made today

No slip, no slide, no deal, no ride, no mess to fix now
Pants up, buttoned down and walk away: FAST!

Sometimes you can fix something by stopping this nonsense
Go make love to your wife

Cleans all puts all in the past tense
Just go out and get a life!!

Sometimes you can fix something by (just) running for Congress
Lawmakers get so much done

Legislate the problems caucus up let's be honest
You'll still be in bed by a quarter o' one.

Sometimes you can fix something by knocking yourself senseless
Blink blink as all the layers unpeel

Sometimes you can fix something by painting your body
Goldie Hawn MEANT 'Sock it to Me.'

Sometimes you can fix something by eating some fruit!
Regularityâs a good thing

Sometimes you can fix something by trimming a hedge
Topiary art is so soothing.

Sometimes you can fix something by robbing a nun
Increase your power courting Satan

Sometimes you can fix something by dreamin' the dream'
Get the girl and wind up naked.

Sometimes you can fix something by eating at Swenson's
Forbes FYI would never lie

Sometimes you can fix something by becoming a Vet!
Our furry friends are our allies

Sometimes you can fix something by going on a vacation
1 week ain't nearly long enough

Sometimes you can fix something by just keeping your door shut
Isolationism Rocks!

Sometimes you can fix something by resoling your shoes
Makes you feel smart and ready

Sometimes you can fix something by getting a tan
A little color seems so healthy

Sometimes you can fix something by just visiting Gramma
Her form of guilt is so persuasive

Sometimes you can fix something by just going to Lowe's
Tool always settled dad

Sometimes you can fix something by simply rewinding
Undoing all that you can't see

Walk backwards, keep your eye on what hasn't happened
Just try to stay on your feet

Sometimes you can fix something by just dialing it up
Crabby friends notwithstanding

Sometimes you can fix something by just changing your clothes
Presenting more than inner beauty

Sometimes you can fix something by just changing a flat
Keep it moving forward motion

Sometimes you can fix something by just grooming your hair
Do your best to be attractive

Sometimes you can fix something with earnest conviction
Grit gets you half way there

Sometimes you can fix something by hatin' on your neighbor
Vitriolâs the treat that can't be beat.

Sometimes you can fix something by just bearing witness
Christianity's got tenure

Sometimes you can fix something by just building a barn
A little agrarian nostalgia

Sometimes you can fix something by just looking up!
Anticipate Invasions

Sometimes you can fix something by just selling your house
Can't beat a clean getaway.

Sometimes you can fix something by just being just
Liberty is always balanced

Sometimes you can fix something by eating a sub
Good nutrition is overrated

Sometimes you can fix something by just penciling in
Working up a few ideas

12 couplets contributed by Chris Butler:

sometimes you can fix something by just smashing your car
the Keith Moon School of Wreckless Driving

sometimes you can fix something by just going ahead
surrender to temptation

sometimes you can fix something by just saying "hey?'
"who the hell gave you permission?"

sometimes you can fix something by just doing it anyway
over everyone's objections

sometimes you can fix something by just reading some smut
that'll get those juices flowing

sometimes you can fix something by just gutting it out
don't let go of your vision

sometimes you can fix something by just losing your nerve
reconsider what you're doin'

sometimes you can fix something by just havin' your doubts
maybe your idea's a dumb one

sometimes you can fix something by just plodding along
when you're way past the point of caring

sometimes you can fix something by just pulling the plug
cutting your losses shows wisdom

sometimes you can fix something by plugging back in
lick your wounds then come out swingin'

sometimes you can fix something by just being unplugged
your record will sell millions

0 couplets contributed by JASON BEERS:

Sometimes you can take 10 years between writing lyrics and finally recording it. Ha.

29 couplets contributed by Christopher D. Butler:

sometimes you can fix something by just pounding away
get that thru your cranium

sometimes you can fix something with just a list of names
thank 'em in the dedication

sometimes you can fix something by just using a Vox
the best British amplification

sometimes you can fix something by just dropping in
my front door is always open

sometimes you can fix something by just getting a fix
tho dope is dumb by definition

sometimes you can fix something by just tapping your phone
do it for your own protection

sometimes you can fix something by just having long hair
i grok yer groovy vibrations

sometimes you can fix something by just dropping a frame
get things in synchronization

sometimes you can fix something by just being cute
everybody’s little darlin’

sometimes you can fix something by just changing its shape
they say that form follows function

sometimes you can fix something by just fixing it yourself
consider it a challenge

sometimes you can fix something by just asking for help
here...gimme that before ya break something

sometimes you can fix something by just having the knack
while other's just keep on struggling

sometimes you can fix something by ooking the other way
survive by being a good German

sometimes you can fix something by just saying "nein"
"das ist verboten"

sometimes you can fix something by just being a vamp
oozing decadent corruption

sometimes you can fix something by just falling in love
you'll feel like a virgin

sometimes you can fix something by falling in love again
ya gotta get your head examined

sometimes you can fix something by having a backyard
hang a hammock, plant a garden

sometimes you can fix something by just living in town
my whole backyard is Manhattan

sometimes you can fix something by just knowing the trick
ignore the man behind the curtain

sometimes you can fix something by just knowin' for sure
tho nothing is for certain

sometimes you can fix something by just paying the fine
avoid a lengthy prosecution

sometimes you can fix something by just knocking it down
make more room by demolition

sometimes you can fix something by trying everything you can
run thru all the permutations

sometimes you can fix something if the calla lilies are in bloom
perfect for any occasion

sometimes you can fix something by just wanting the best
I wanna own the Chrysler Building

sometimes you can fix something by just being the best
XTC's the greatest pop band

sometimes you can't fix something by just being the best
XTC's still stuck in Swindon

0 couplets contributed by Captain Celeste Dorage:

Sometimes you can fix something by:
-Listening to the radio
- laughing at the blues
-making sure that no one‘s hungry
-sitting on a barstool
-looking for Integrity
-instead of fixing you
-listening with an open heart
-looking in her eyes
-leaving others by the wayside
-using super glue!
-knocking on the door
-laying on the floor

Sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes,

you just can’t fix
You just can’t fix
You just can’t fix

Something something something something something something something something

Scat out…… On something……

6 couplets contributed by Chris Butler:

Refrain

sometimes you can fix something by just being a prick
winning by intimidation

sometimes you can fix something by just lifting your skirt
it's the ultimate distraction

V
i poke button
i want action
let's hear some gears and see some smoke

no dilly-dally
move your heiny
this is the age of "go for broke"

Refrain
sometimes you can fix something by just kissing some ass
if you don't mind humiliation

sometimes you can fix something by just smoking a pipe
academic contemplation

V2
so pathetic no mechanic
no steady eye, no magic touch

no screwdriver
ball peen hammer
mr. fix-it's gone to lunch

Extension 1
not personal?
yeah it's personal..
what did i ever do to you?

no crap from
contraptions
just do what i tell you to do

Refrain x 2
sometimes you can fix something by just blaming your mom
everybody loves a victim

sometimes you can fix something by just cracking a joke
humor is greasy lubrication

sometimes you can fix something by just cooking the books
wealth is all about perception

sometimes you can fix something by just smoking a joint
stoner free association

Solo

V3
broke down, lifeless
junkyard worthless
no tweezer jesus in the house

so desperate
so dependent
pay any price to dope it out

Extension2
i want genius
i wanna suss
the perfect kluge, the devil glitch

oh, hosanna
socket messiah
the only jesus worth a shit

25 couplets contributed by Krys O:

Sometimes you can fix something by just asking a question
mother nature doesn’t really care

Sometimes you can fix something by just being a goofball
mike nesmith had the wool hat

Sometimes you can fix something by just carrying a big stick
that’s the devil’s jukebox

Sometimes you can fix something by just dyeing your hair
oh, come on you’re worth it

Sometimes you can fix something by just eyeing the exit
just in case of emergency

Sometimes you can fix something by just forging a new bond
just hold on to the old ones

Sometimes you can fix something by just giving up
then you just start over

Sometimes you can fix something by just having a fit
you might end up with some money

Sometimes you can fix something by just ignoring the signs
if they’re in the wrong direction

Sometimes you can fix something by just jiving the blues
aw shucks it’s really easy

Sometimes you can fix something by just kicking the can
it can make you a kid again

Sometimes you can fix something by just live, larf and loaf
french frith Kaiser Thompson

Sometimes you can fix something by just making a proof
then you won’t risk a mistake

Sometimes you can fix something by just noodling a riff
it could come out a masterpiece

Sometimes you can fix something by just observing the horizon
you can get the big picture

Sometimes you can fix something by just pouring your heart out
see your problems shrinking

Sometimes you can fix something by just quizzing a quail
have fun with alliteration

Sometimes you can fix something by just rubbing the spot out
there’s no need to bleach it

Sometimes you can fix something by just saving it for later
let your subconscious work it out

Sometimes you can fix something by just taking a dive
it beats a bloody nose

Sometimes you can fix something by just uncovering the past
no need to hide anymore

Sometimes you can fix something by just venting your mind
better let some air in

Sometimes you can fix something by just washing the windows
be careful of the streaks though

Sometimes you can fix something by just x-ing out the bad words
like coulda shoulda woulda

Sometimes you can fix something by just yanking the chain
it could open up the right door

Sometimes you can fix something by just zeroing in on a detail
helps with comprehension

99 couplets contributed by Oblique Orchestra:

Sometimes you can fix something by not wanting to fix it
Abandon all desire

Sometimes you can fix something by just taking a detour
Eschew normal instructions

Sometimes you can fix something by getting an opinion
It's advice, not losing power

Sometimes you can fix something with a little something extra
A little bit of magic

Sometimes you can fix something by being less linear
Have two sides, after all

Sometimes you can fix something by retracing your steps...
that first step in particular

Sometimes you can fix something by convincing the unconvinced
to work against their better judgement

Sometimes you can fix something by just asking your body
Your temperature is the decider

Sometimes you can fix something by just dropping the soap
Don't be afraid of being dirty

Sometimes you can fix something by just going all out
Extravagance may be in order

Sometimes you can fix something by just mellowing out
Less criticism, more acceptance

Sometimes you can fix something by pretending you're a bellows
Breathe deep, then push all the air out

Sometimes you can fix something by just burning a bridge
You'll wonder why you even built it

Sometimes you can fix something by... Just zooming in
Change ambiguities to specifics

Sometimes you can fix something by just not fixing it
Keep on doing what you were doing

Sometimes you can fix something by... Just zooming out
Change specifics to ambiguities

Sometimes you can fix something by checking the synapses
Answers may be in the transitions

Sometimes you can fix something by just being brave
Coooooooooouraaaaaaaaaaaaage!

Sometimes you can fix something by letting cats bite wires
Cut off an important connection

Sometimes you can fix something by just hanging some drapes...
If you hate it, decorate it

Sometimes you can fix something leaving things intact,
or destroying what's important.

Sometimes you can fix something by cutting loose the old saws
Discard those cherished axioms

Sometimes you can fix something by just saying yes...
to some controlled self-indulgence

Sometimes you can fix something by ditching your old tricks
Find your formulas, and then lose them

Sometimes you can fix something by...Singing out, Louise!
Don't be afraid to show your talent
[Display your talent]

Sometimes you can fix something by being Dr. Who
Think of time as something bendy.

Sometimes you can fix something by grabbing the the low-hanging fruit
Don't avoid what is easy

Sometimes you can fix something by just being inert
Do nothing for as long as possible

Sometimes you can fix something by... Just playing dead
Don't break the silence

Sometimes you can fix something by not picking a side
Don't stress one thing more than another

Sometimes you can fix something with utter simplicity
Boring is the new black!

Sometimes you can fix something by going off the deep end
Do something sudden, destructive, and unpredictable

Sometimes you can fix something by going right to the end
Do the last thing as the first thing

Sometimes you can fix something by forgetting about the music
Is it the words that need the fixing?

Sometimes you can fix something by turning up the contrast
Emphasize the things that differ

Sometimes you can fix something by highlighting the problems
Warts show personality!

Sometimes you can fix something by doing it like Deiter
Don't choose; do both together

Sometimes you can fix something by just tying it down
Use a safe part as an anchor

Sometimes you can fix something by just showing your hand
Go ahead...give the game away

Sometimes you can fix something by going to the dark side
Give way to your worst impulse

Sometimes you can fix something by just going outside
And let the door hit you on the way out

Sometimes you can fix something by going to extremes,
then coming halfway back to normal.

Sometimes you can fix something by just asking yourself,
how would someone else approach this?

Sometimes you can fix something by asking someone else,
how would you have done it?

Sometimes you can fix something with total darkness,
or in a large room very quietly.

Sometimes you can fix something by just stepping back
Holy shit, maybe it's finished!

Sometimes you can fix something by just looking for holes
Think about what might be missing.

Sometimes you can fix something by just being Tim Gunn
Is that style really working?

Sometimes you can fix something by just applying yourself
Elbow grease make a good frosting

Sometimes you can fix something by just carrying on
I mean keep going, not throw a tantrum

Sometimes you can fix something just mellowing out
Let your quiet voice speak loudest

Sometimes you can fix something by shaking up your sequence
Maybe you order's not in order

Sometimes you can fix something by highlighting the hell
Focus on what you don't want to

Sometimes you can fix something with soft lights and Barry White
Expose the sensuality

Sometimes you can fix something by throwing on some dirt
Humanness is next to godliness

Sometimes you can fix something setting your sights lower
Work on what seems unimportant

Sometimes you can fix something by not building a wall
Just make a brick instead

Sometimes you can fix something by just starting your search
Once you do, you will find something

Sometimes you can fix something by looking at the micro
The macro can be overwhelming

Sometimes you can fix something by just picking one element
and fixing that one thing throughout

Sometimes you can fix something by just toeing the line
Be a champion of inertia

Sometimes you can fix something by just leaving it blank
Emptiness can equal substance

Sometimes you can fix something by knocking down your idols
Question the heroic

Sometimes you can fix something by just closing your eyes
and remembering quiet evenings

Sometimes you can fix something just by opening up
Try removing that restriction

Sometimes you can fix something by doing it ad nauseum
The repetition could transform it

Sometimes you can fix something by retracing your steps
They call that walking back the kitty

Sometimes you can fix something by just turning around
Back out of your mental driveway

Sometimes you can fix something by just making it less
Simple second grade subtraction

Sometimes you can fix something by taxiing the runway
Slow preparation, fast execution

Sometimes you can fix something by just saying what's wrong
Read aloud the error message

Sometimes you can fix something by just sitting one out
You can always dance more later

Sometimes you can fix something by clearing the out the big stuff
Take away what seems important

Sometimes you can fix something by being inconsistent
Create some tension, some texture

Sometimes you can fix something by looking in the corners
What you forgot could be important

Sometimes you can fix something by staring down the problem,
then finding inspiration elsewhere

Sometimes you can fix something by just tidying up
The answer might be in the junk pile.

Sometimes you can fix something by just pretending to fix it
You might just fake it and unbreak it

Sometimes you can fix something by just looking for change
Turn it upside down and shake it

Sometimes you can fix something by recycling in your head
Pull an idea out of mothballs

Sometimes you can fix something by just being obvious
Cliches are famous for a reason

Sometimes you can fix something by getting to its essence
Filter out all the detritus

Sometimes you can fix something by just looking around
Use what's nearby as a model

Sometimes you can fix something by trusting raw talent
No qualifications needed

Sometimes you can fix something by not outsourcing
Why not use your own ideas?

Sometimes you can fix something by voicing your suspicions
Give in to paranoia

Sometimes you can fix something with a pond, a lake, an ocean
Reflect upon the water

Sometimes you can fix something by just changing the frame
A different context might improve things

Sometimes you can fix something by just dumbing it down
What's the simplest solution?

Sometimes you can fix something by just looking back
What mistakes did you make last time?

Sometimes you can fix something by tweaking the amounts
What to increase, reduce or maintain?

Sometimes you can fix something by just coming clean
Tell us what you were really thinking

Sometimes you can fix something by first figuring out
what it is you won't do

Sometimes you can fix something by just asking yourself,
what would my BFF do?

Sometimes you can fix something by just watching the clock (tick, tick!)
Nothing motivates like deadlines

Sometimes you can fix something by feeling for the edges
Keep going until you can't

Sometimes you can fix something by just making some groups
Some things may be like some others

Sometimes you can fix something by just slowing down,
or deciding to go faster...wheeeee!

Sometimes you can fix something by looking at it harshly
Would anyone even want this?

And sometimes you can fix something by using your mistakes
They may really be your intentions

18 couplets contributed by Ken Shimamoto:

Sometimes you can fix something by trying to do it all
But watch out, don't crash and burn

Sometimes you can fix something by doing nothing at all
A minimalist approach

Sometimes you can fix something by emulating Lou Reed
And playing football for the coach

Sometimes you can fix something by writing another verse
Make sure you've done an even number

Sometimes you can fix something by being early to lunch
Sitting by yourself outside on the deck

Sometimes you can fix something by being late to lunch
If the other guy likes grabbing the check

Sometimes you can fix something by running the other way
When you see some joker with a gun

Sometimes you can fix something by just counting to ten
It's more than nine but less than eleven

Sometimes you can fix something by just brushing your teeth
Proper dental hygiene is a good step

Sometimes you can fix something by just quitting your band
Unless you end up like Mick Taylor

Sometimes you can fix something by singing like Iggy Pop
Unless you think that would be no fun

Sometimes you can fix something by giving it all away
And asking for nothing in return

Sometimes you can fix something by just sailing a boat
It's sink or swim if you fall overboard

Sometimes you can fix something by just blowing you nose
To clear up nasal congestion

Sometimes you can fix something by just dropping a hint
Utilize the power of suggestion

Sometimes you can fix something by singing like Robert Smith
You might think that it's just like Heaven

Sometimes you can fix something by adopting a protégé
Teach them well to follow in your footsteps

Sometimes you can fix something by just riding a bike
But please take care of your derailleur

Sometimes you can fix something by just petting a cat
Defer to our pointy-eared overlords

8 couplets contributed by The Swales:

Sometimes you can fix something by just laying it down,
Did you ever really need the hassle?

Sometimes you can fix something by just letting it go,
There's the moat now Darling, where's the castle?

Sometimes you can fix something by just clearing the air,
Don't matter how you feel

Sometimes you can fix something by just shrugging it off,
Rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb

Sometimes you can fix something by just having a cake,
Did you ever want to eat it too?

Sometimes you can fix something by just taking a nap,
Close my eyes and show me what to do

Sometimes you can fix something by just saying, "I quit",
Do you always have to push right through?

Sometimes you can fix something by just saying, "I do",
Rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb

0 couplets contributed by THE DOUBLE WIDE FOOT LONG:

The problem is the busting out to find the bitch in heat
The problem is the humping of every leg the fucker meets
The problem is the primal instinct pissing on the walls
Sometimes you can fix something by cutting off his balls

Sometimes he's a-cryin', sometimes he just moans
Sometimes I assume the dude's just gnawing on his bone
But then it gets too quiet and I'm seeing what is what
Sometimes you can fix something by cutting off his nuts

You wake up in the morning and the screen is ripped to shreds
And everybody's sleeping but he's not in his bed
Incriminating evidence on all the neighbor's yards
You know, sometimes you can fix something by snipping off his nards

0 couplets contributed by Lane Steinberg:

I can't make too many of these out...can you?

25 couplets contributed by Mars Williams:

sometimes you can fix something by just buying the beer
get to know your new companions

sometimes you can fix something by just taking a trip
the greatest place on earth is Iceland

sometimes you can fix something by just spinning your wheels
sometimes the thing to do is nothing

sometimes you can fix something by just spinning your wheels
heat 'em up for better traction

sometimes you can fix something by just oiling your wheels
a little grease reduces friction

sometimes you can fix something by just trusting yourself
listen to your intuition

sometimes you can fix something with just a tin can
a West Virginia exhaust system

sometimes you can fix something by just pulling that switch
justice is served by execution

sometimes you can fix something by just drawing the line
there is a limit to your patience

sometimes you can fix something with just the right phrase
come up with a catchy slogan

sometimes you can fix something by just changing one word
that's how a thought becomes a poem

sometimes you can fix something by just buying some time
let things settle down some

sometimes you can fix something by just being crude
dirty jokes help male bonding

sometimes you can fix something by just pulling some strings
set things into motion

sometimes you can fix something by just having the clout
the juice to get the job done

sometimes you can fix something by just pulling rank
declare an end to the discussion

sometimes you can fix something by just giving 'em lip
there's power in sarcasm

sometimes you can fix something by just showing respect
if they deserve it, give 'em some

sometimes you can fix something by just flipping 'em the bird
tho that invites retaliation

sometimes you can fix something with just a little paint
cover up those imperfections

sometimes you can fix something by putting throwing the baby out with the bathwater
a cliché's okay if it's a good one

sometimes you can fix something with just a good excuse
say you were kidnapped by Martians

sometimes you can fix something by just taking a vote
settle on a course of action

sometimes you can fix something by just taking a poll
but rig it with tricky questions

sometimes you can fix something by just carrying a spare
crucial gear often malfunctions

19 couplets contributed by SuperEdwardR:

Sometimes you can fix something by singing into a microphone
Let the world hear your projection

Sometimes you can fix something by playing the same two chords
A good technique is repetition

Sometimes you can fix something by not playing the same two chords
Allow a variation

Sometimes you can fix something by just starting to jam
Improvisation

Oh damn, what now?
This I won't allow
The band is off key today.
The keyboard is not decent
The singing is unpleasant
And the guitarist doesn't know how to play.
I have a solution
The perfect sell
With computer magic and Auto Tune
Yeah, it's not genuine
But what the hell
The band will sound professional soon.

Sometimes you can fix something by just going home
Return to your objective

Sometimes you can fix something by not going home
Who needs to be overprotective?

Sometimes you can fix something by having a good time
Just go out and have some fun

Sometimes you can’t fix something by having a good time
You gotta learn to get some work done.

Sometimes you can fix something by not using lyrics from the Devil Glitch
We want to hear some new ones

Sometimes you can fix something by not adding weak material
Use your imagination

Sometimes you can fix something by deleting System32
You just screwed up your system!

Sometimes you can fix something by just being Chris Butler
Guitarist, songwriter, musician

Sometimes you can fix something by just writing a song
Musical production

Sometimes you can fix something by hiring a team of songwriters
Seriously, I can't write compositions

Sometimes you can fix something by just getting your emails
A response to your question

Sometimes you can’t fix something by not getting your emails
That’s very disappointing

Sometimes you can fix something by setting up a website
You'll have lots of welcome invitations

Sometimes you can fix something by creating the Major Glitch
A project that involves participation

Sometimes you can fix something by just shutting it down
Sorry, we’re under construction

Sometimes you can fix something by getting to the end
Come to a conclusion.

5 couplets contributed by evA dilcuE:

Sometimes you can fix something by
not fixing anything, there's nothing to fix

Sometimes you can fix something by
not doing anything, just sit, breathe, be

Sometimes you can fix something by
being everything, and nothing

Sometimes you can fix something by
dissolving into nothing

Sometimes you can fix something by
being the change you want to see

Sometimes you can fix something by
the tale of who you bring, share yourself

29 couplets contributed by Violet Ray:

sometimes you can fix something by just knowing what ya want
don't suffer fools, morons or cretins

sometimes you can fix something by just getting dressed
nudity gets boring

sometimes you can fix something by just hurting yourself
some people thrive on self-destruction

sometimes you can fix something by just camping out
build a fire, climb a mountain

sometimes you can fix something by just takin' a hike
turn in your resignation

sometimes you can fix something by just spraying the pots
resistance rises with corrosion

sometimes you can fix something by just being cool
quote Negroponte or McCluen

sometimes you can fix something by just being cool
like Ray Milland or Robert Mitchum

sometimes you can fix something by just being cool
like Combustible Edison

sometimes you can fix something by just being real cool
like William Powell in "The Thin Man"

sometimes you can fix something by just being outta the loop
that way they can't say that you're lying

sometimes you can fix something by just saying "I can't"
ya gotta know your limitations

sometimes you can fix something by just saying "I am"
tho don't expect someone to listen

sometimes you can fix something by just looking back
revive some retro tradition

sometimes you can fix something by just looking ahead
stick to your game plan

sometimes you can fix something by just getting mad
so what's your fucking problem?

sometimes you can fix something by just changing your tie
sharpen up your presentation

sometimes you can fix something by just being a slob
protest the fascism of fashion

sometimes you can fix something by just selling out
life has its Faustian bargains

sometimes you can fix something by just wearing a rug
tho who do you think you're fooling?

sometimes you can fix something by just watching the clock
over-achievers are a nuisance

sometimes you can fix something by just being fast and bulbous
also tapered, that's right, Captain

sometimes you can fix something by just being blue
maybe they'll ban ya in Boston

sometimes you can fix something by just singing the blues
like Howlin' Wolf, not Eric Clapton

sometimes you can fix something by just singing the blues
but what the hell is "Smoke Stack Lightning"?

sometimes you can fix something by just changing your strings
be sure to check your intonation

sometimes you can fix something by just getting a tip
eavesdrop on a conversation

sometimes you can fix something by just making M.A.S.H.
make a fortune on the re-runs

sometimes you can fix something by just wanting it now
instant gratification

4 couplets contributed by Chris Karl Butler:

sometimes you can fix somethings by just adding it up
it's numerology

sometimes you can fix somethings by just looking through walls
by viewing it remotely

sometimes you can fix somethings by just making it rain
you can influence the weather

sometimes you can fix somethings by just looking away
shadows in your sidelong vision

0 couplets contributed by Dusty Wright:

Glitch glitch glitch glitch
Glitch glitch glitch glitch

30 couplets contributed by Team Philpott:

Sometimes you can fix something by looking at that crack
And thinking I will use no plaster

I have none in the house and so I will attack
This fissure with some tape it's faster

Sometimes you can fix something by make do and mend
And kid yourself you'll do it better (but later)

you then forget and only realize it when
That hole has now became a crater

Sometimes you can fix something by kidding yourselves
That that is just the paint that's peeling

You get that tester pot and think that it's fine
Till rain is flooding through the ceiling

Sometimes you can fix something by saying ''that'll do''
Can't do it properly too much trouble

I'll use some paste .. instead of good glue
Reduce my palace into rubble

Sometimes you can fix something by hearing that noise
And turning up the CD player

And it's OK until the black smoke appears
And you stranded out in nowhere

Sometimes you can fix something by putting it off
And hoping it can’t get much worse

And all is fine until that rattling cough
It almost puts you in a hearse

Sometimes you can fix something by a tactical vote
To stop the others getting in

Congratulations when you’’re just about afloat
But tidal waves are happening

Sometimes you can fix something by turning to Class A’s
And all your worries put on hold

You’ll be amazing interesting and blase
While problems mount ten thousandfold

Sometimes you can fix something by taking a crash course
A Surgeon’s job without the effort

But dig the scalpel in the wrong place using force
And you may find the wrong bit severed

Sometimes you can fix something by thread instead of rope
Surely a justified replacement

And when you step out you can only walk and hope
Your shoes do not end up on the pavement

Sometimes you can fix something by pretending it won’t end
Like binge watching loads of Seinfeld

And when you realize there is no season 10
Your sadness is all the more heartfelt

Sometimes you can fix something by learning to drive
To save you all hassle walking

And though to destinations quicker you arrive
Pedestrians don’t pay for parking

Sometimes you can fix something by streaming films online
For your leisurely enjoyment

Not using pirate sites your laptop will be fine
For that is copyright infringement

Sometimes you can fix something by listening to Kiss
But If I may talk freely

I much prefer the stuff with Peter Criss
Or the guitarist Ace,,,,err….um no it’s gone

Sometimes you can fix something by crystal meth
But there’s the risk you’ll go to jail

The best you’ll get is rotten breath
You’re better off with Crystal Gayle

Sometimes you can fix something by going on a cruise
It can erase all sense of panic

Until the ice berg they can’t swerve comes into view
You find you’re on the new Titanic

Sometimes you can fix something by retail therapy
It’s like Buddhism in reverse

But I would much prefer an empty property
Than opening an empty purse

Sometimes you can fix something by Photoshop
You’ll be a younger looking version

But that illusion will be set to stop
When you are close-up and in person

Sometimes you can fix something by household chores
For this removes all mess and spillage

For some this stimulates for others it bores
We clean while playing some Steve Hillage

Sometimes you can fix something by going to Stonehenge
And channeling your inner hippie

You can find inner peace but I’d rather go to Penge
I hear they have a brilliant chippy

Sometimes you can fix something by playing some guitar
They say it’s cure all therapy

But only if there is no whiplash from strings stretched far
When 2 steps up in Open G

Sometimes you can fix something by patching that tire
Although I must say at this juncture

That any piercing caused by a vampire
Is quite another kind of puncture

Sometimes you can fix something by nails and hammer
Ideally during carpentry

It does not work so well in every manner
Like bouncy castles or pottery

Sometimes you can fix something by needle and thread
Especially dresses socks and jeans

But if you fall and if you split your head
You should avoid sewing machines

46 couplets contributed by Don Libby:

sometimes you can fix something by
by just turning it on

sometimes you can fix something by
just turning it off

sometimes you can fix something by
just calling a pro

sometimes you can fix something by
just letting it go

sometimes you can fix something by
just waggin your tail

sometimes you can fix something
with a hammer and nail

sometimes you can fix something
with a drop of glue

sometimes you can fix something
if you use the right tool

sometimes you can fix something by
just yankin the chain

sometimes you can fix something by
just using your brain

sometimes you can fix something by
hook or by crook

sometimes you can fix something by
just taking a look

sometimes you can fix something by
reading the directions

sometimes you can fix something by
making some corrections

sometimes you can fix something
with a modification

sometimes you can fix something by
taking a vacation

sometimes you can fix something by
flippin the circuit breaker

sometimes you can fix something by
cruisin to Jamaica

sometimes you can fix something
with deep inhalation

sometimes you can fix something
with positive vibration

sometimes you can fix something by
giving it your all

sometimes you can fix something by
doing nothing at all

sometimes you can fix something
till you got to say "hang it"

sometimes you can fix something by
just shouting "dang it"

sometimes you can fix something by
just smilin wide

sometimes you can fix something
with a rider by your side

sometimes you can fix something by
going out on a limb

sometimes you can fix something by
by taking a swim

sometimes you can fix something by
just shinin a light

sometimes you can fix something
in the middle of the night

sometimes you can fix something
with a breath of fresh air

sometimes you can fix something by
just leaving it there

sometimes you can fix something
with a microwave oven

sometimes you can fix something
with some good lovin

sometimes you can fix something by
just lovin it more

sometimes you can fix something by
just being a bore

sometimes you can fix something
with some extra lubrication

sometimes you can fix something
with some intoxication

sometimes you can fix something by
just getting it on

sometimes you can fix something by
going till its gone

sometimes you can fix something by
calling all your friends

sometimes you can fix something by
just pitching in

sometimes you can fix something
with your imagination

sometimes you can fix something
with a dog in the station

sometimes you can fix something by
just turning it on

sometimes you can fix something by
just turning it off

9 couplets contributed by Amanda Thorpe:

sometimes you can fix things by walking away
no need for consultations

sometimes you can fix some things by just being a bitch
it can release hypertension

sometimes you can fix some things by just taking a breath
you don't need a revelation

sometimes you can fix some things by just walking the dog
get your head some oxygenation

sometimes you fix these things by just being an ass
they don’t always deserve much better

sometimes you fix these things by just falling out of a plane
you never know what could happen

sometimes you fix things by flicking a switch
there’s nothing like illumination

sometimes you fix things by just changing your specs
rose times went out with Ronald Raygun

sometimes you fix things by getting off stage
I think that time has come now

sometimes you fix some things by shutting up

26 couplets contributed by The Whatnots:

sometimes you can fix something by just taking a pill
then call me in the morning

sometimes you can fix something by just making a roux
that's how I once saved Thanksgiving

sometimes you can fix something by just dropping a bomb
teach the bastards a lesson

sometimes you can fix something by just throwing a fit
ventilate all your frustrations

sometimes you can fix something by just eating some meat
protein's a part of good nutrition

sometimes you can fix something by just eating some meat
vegetarians are boring

sometimes you can fix something by not eating some meat
cow farts are ruining the ozone

sometimes you can fix something by just getting a break
just be ready when it happens

sometimes you can fix something by just sitting still
wait for that flash of inspiration

sometimes you can fix something by just sitting real still
they call that "playing possum"

sometimes you can fix something by going to the source
some things get lost in the translation

sometimes you can fix something by just making a link
that's called concatenation

sometimes you can fix something by just being strange
beyond all classification

sometimes you can fix something by just branching out
if you can get good distribution

sometimes you can fix something by just hitting Control-S
computers are always crashing

sometimes you can fix something by just finding a mate
there's nothing like a good companion

sometimes you can fix something by just being alone
ya always seem to get more work done

sometimes you can fix something by just having a kid
then move to Montclair from Hoboken

sometimes you can fix something by just throwing it away
clutter's an anal compulsion

sometimes you can fix something by giving it away
we're now accepting donations

sometimes you can fix something by just eating some corn
clean out your colon

sometimes you can fix something by just turning the page
find out who was the villain

sometimes you can fix something by just picking yourself up
and get back in the runnin'

sometimes you can fix something by just making a few tweaks
subtle modifications

sometimes you can fix something by not getting it fixed
maybe you got stuck with a lemon

sometimes you can fix something by just getting old
just outlive your competition

39 couplets contributed by Fear of Falling:

sometimes you can fix something by just being a spy
launch a covert operation

sometimes you can fix something by ordering a probe
a blue ribbon investigation

sometimes you can fix something by just saving the earth
how can we stand all this pollution?

sometimes you can fix something by checking the SCSI i.d.
you might need termination

sometimes you can fix something by just being a bitch
some men need lots of training

sometimes you can fix something by just building a bridge
try to form a coalition

sometimes you can fix something by just drying it out
shorts are caused by condensation

sometimes you can fix something by just starting from the top
get it right with more rehearsing

sometimes you can fix something by just explaining it again
aim for clarification

sometimes you can fix something by just making a switch
try a clever substitution

sometimes you can fix something by believing in ghosts
witchcraft and divination

sometimes you can fix something by just seeing a ghost
that gimmick always worked for Dickens

sometimes you can fix something by just doing the right thing
ethics matter in the long run

sometimes you can fix something by finally seeing the light
but watch out for deathbed conversions

sometimes you can fix something by just dragging your butt
keep 'em waiting, keep 'em wait-in'

sometimes you can fix something by just shaking things up
a total reorganization

sometimes you can fix something by just being strong
some jobs require heavy lifting

sometimes you can fix something by just being thin
like Twiggy or Tony Perkins

sometimes you can fix something by just being fat
like Greenstreet in "The Maltese Falcon"

sometimes you can fix something by just being real
...versus imitation

sometimes you can fix something by just being a fake
invent your qualifications

sometimes you can fix something by just being a quack
you still might have a gift for healing

sometimes you can fix something by just being a fraud
look what that did for P T Barnum

sometimes you can fix something by just playing God
genetic manipulation

sometimes you can fix something by just losing your voice
|that hasn't hurt Bob Dylan

sometimes you can fix something by just being rare
tho you'll wind up in a museum

sometimes you can fix something by just buying a ton
some things are cheaper by the dozen

sometimes you can fix something by just bending the rules
cut 'em some slack, make an exception

sometimes you can fix something by just being there
there's nothing better than good timing

sometimes you can fix something by not being there
an alibi that can't be shaken

sometimes you can fix something by just having some spunk
over-come all tribulations

sometimes you can fix something by just playing on the one and three
how come white folks feel that rhythm?

sometimes you can fix something by just wanting it all
either/or are bad conjunctions

sometimes you can fix something by being right-brained
and good at pattern recognition

sometimes you can fix something by being left-brained
focused linear thinkin'

sometimes you can fix something by just swinging that club
sometimes ya gotta be a caveman

sometimes you can fix something by just being unique
defy categorization

sometimes you can fix something by just blending in
observe all local customs

sometimes you can fix something by just fading away
lose yourself in oblivion

31 couplets contributed by CB - Back from lunch...:

sometimes you can fix something by just thinking small
i'm sure there's lots of good reasons

sometimes you can fix something by just working for yourself
not at some faceless corporation

sometimes you can fix something by just knowing their sign
I always fight with Sagittarians

sometime you can fix something by just pleading the fifth
avoiding self-incrimination

sometimes you can fix something by just ordering two
with extra cheese, pickles and onions

sometimes you can fix something otium cum dignitate
ya gotta know a little Latin

sometimes you can fix something by just starting to preach
with a timely Bibical quotation

sometimes you can fix something by just spreading the good word
convert the heathens and barbarians

sometimes you can fix something by not starting to preach
ain't got no time for Bible thumpin'

sometimes you can fix something with a good nom de punk
Armitage Shanks or Johnny Rotten

sometimes you can fix something with just a grain of salt
maintain a healthy skepticism

sometimes you can fix something by just defining your terms
eliminate confusion

sometimes you can fix something by something something something
i knew it once, but I've forgotten

sometimes you can fix something by just rockin' the boat
I'd like to know if you've got the notion

sometimes you can fix something by just having a smoke
nicotine is food, not an addiction

sometimes you can fix something by just brewing some beans
get some caffeine stimulation

sometimes you can fix something by just knowing where ya are
12 verses from the ending!

sometimes you can fix something by just using your head
go to experts, get opinions

sometimes you can fix something by just being polite
trust in reason and persuasion

sometimes you can fix something by just leaving it alone
let it stew in isolation

sometimes you can fix something by just holding a grudge
revenge is such a cool sensation

sometimes you can fix something by just changing its name
redefine the situation

sometimes you can fix something by just running away
avoid a messy confrontation

sometimes you can fix something by just taking a stand
but that's an awesome obligation

sometimes you can fix something by just starting a war
everybody at attention

sometimes you can fix something by just dancing all night
answers come out of exhaustion

sometimes you can fix something by just telling a lie
screw'em with mis-information

sometimes you can fix something by just taking a walk
take a break, take a vacation

sometimes you can fix something by turning the other cheek
that's what they tell ya in religion

sometimes you can fix something by just ripping it apart
maybe the damn thing wants attention

sometimes you can fix something by just smacking it around
it's a form of education

sometimes you can fix something by just giving up...

14 couplets contributed by Gary Pig Gold with John Huelbig:

Sometimes you can fix something on just the first try,
People will think that you're a magician

Sometimes you can fix something by just cracking the whip,
C'mon, get with the programme

Sometimes you can fix something by just sitting by a lake,
Restin peaceful meditation

Sometimes you can fix something by just making a fist,
There is a time for aggression

Sometimes you can fix something by just knowing the way,
To your final destination

Sometimes you can fix something by just making your move,
After careful preparation

Sometimes you can fix something by just knowing what's what,
It's all in rhubarb rhubarb

Sometimes you can fix something by just having some style,
An eye for a tasteful decoration

Sometimes you can fix something by just going too far,
Over-the-top exaggeration

Sometimes you can fix something by just kerbing your dog,
Shit on the sidewalk's just disgusting

Sometimes you can fix something by just being a sneak,
Become a matter of deception

Sometimes you can fix something by not having the best,
Too much of a good thing...

Sometimes you can fix something by just saying, "No thanks,
I decline the nomination"

Sometimes you can fix something with just Vitamine,
They say it's good for the complexion

23 couplets contributed by The Cucumbers:

Sometimes you can fix something by just taking a walk
No need for conversation

Sometimes you can fix something by dreaming with a friend
Cosmic creative contemplation

Sometimes you can fix something by getting it wet
Changing the physical sensation

Sometimes you can fix something by building it up
With a bit of glue and duct tape

You can fix something...

Sometimes you can fix something by admitting it's a joke
Even if it's not so very funny

Sometimes you can fix something by admitting that it's broke
And you're the one who broke it

Sometimes you can fix something by admitting you're unaware
And you're swimming in an ocean

Sometimes you can fix something by admitting that you care
It might be your greatest notion

You can fix something...

Sometimes you can fix something by just being a friend
Sitting back and listening

Sometimes you can fix something by making it end
Start a new beginning...

Sometimes you can fix something by
You can fix something...

Sometimes you can fix something by
You can break something

Sometimes you can fix something by
You can make something

Sometimes you can fix something by
You can try something

Sometimes you can fix something by
You can fry something

Sometimes you can fix something by
You can buy something

Sometimes you can fix something by
You can give something

Sometimes you can fix something by
You can live something

Sometimes you can fix something by
You can kiss something

Sometimes you can fix something by
You can miss something

Sometimes you can fix something by
You can know something

Sometimes you can fix something by
You can show something

Sometimes you can fix something by
You can fix something...

26 couplets contributed by The Know-It-All Boyfriends:

sometimes you can fix something by not changing a thing
just redesign the carton

sometimes you can fix something by just playing some golf
get buddy-buddy with the big guns

sometimes you can fix something by just traveling light
rid yourself of your possessions

sometimes you can fix something by just being a king
declare it fixed by proclamation

sometimes you can fix something with coffee and cigarettes
the real breakfast of champions

sometimes you can fix something by just learning how to swim
pretend that you are Esther Williams

sometimes you can fix something by just stealin' a boat
then seek political asylum

sometimes you can fix something by just splitting hairs
point out the subtle distinctions

sometimes you can fix something by just being right
without fear of contradiction

sometimes you can fix something by not being too right
avoid self-righteous indignation

sometimes you can fix something by just staying awake
or you might miss something

sometimes you can fix something by just taking a nap
the elves will fix it while you're sleeping

sometimes you can fix something by just saying "hi"
greetings and salutations

sometimes you can fix something by just being lost
you'll go off in new directions

sometimes you can fix something by just knowing the Mob
sometimes it helps to be Sicilian

sometimes you can fix something by just closing-up shop
put up a sign that says "gone fishing"

sometimes you can fix something by just picking up the tab
snow 'em with a lavish luncheon

sometimes you can fix something by just doing good work
you've earned that adulation

sometimes you can fix something by just being known
someone who needs no introduction

sometimes you can fix something by just being a star
tho not like Norma Desmond

sometimes you can fix something by just being clean
and above all suspicion

sometimes you can fix something by just filling your plate
help yourself, go back for seconds

sometimes you can fix something by just being a whore
there're many kinds of prostitution

sometimes you can fix something with eeny-meeny-miney-mo
the process of elimination

sometimes you can fix something by just knowing who was there
guilty by association

sometimes you can fix something by with AT and F1 enter
reinitialize your modem

28 couplets contributed by Michael Baker:

sometimes you can fix something by just twisting an arm
a little gentle convincing

sometimes you can fix something by just sharing the chores
i'll wash, if you'll do the drying

sometimes you can fix something by just caring a lot
attack your problem with a passion

sometimes you can fix something by just being a square
all squeaky clean and wholesome

sometimes you can fix something by just getting a massage
work the stress out of your system

sometimes you can fix something by just saying "what if?"
tickle your imagination

sometimes you can fix something by just saying "so what?"
maintain that spirit of rebellion

sometimes you can fix something by just not paying your rent
make the landlord fix the plumbin'

sometimes you can fix something by just squashing it hard
full compression, no depression

sometimes you can fix something by just getting a second job
earn a little extra income

sometimes you can fix something by just being wry
ironic juxtaposition

sometimes you can fix something by just getting it fixed
who needs this aggravation?

sometimes you can fix something by just splitting for the Coast
there's something magic 'bout the ocean

sometimes you can fix something by just getting sick
you might get cool hallucinations

sometimes you can fix something with something out of the blue
epiphanies and revelations

sometimes you can fix something by just throwing a pie
basic goofball entertainment

sometimes you can fix something by just sharing your pain
bore the world with your hurting

sometimes you can fix something by just saying "I'm sorry"
hope for some kind of absolution

sometimes you can fix something by just paying with cash
that's the way dodge the taxman

sometimes you can fix something by just parking your dough
in a bank in the Cayman Islands

sometimes you can fix something with just a running gag
that always worked for Monty Python

sometimes you can fix something by just knowing what to expect
like the Spanish Inquisition

sometimes you can fix something by just taking some speed
then cram for your examination

sometimes you can fix something by just slowing down
wait a minute, keep your shirt on

sometimes you can fix something by just being a dump
like most of Staten Island

sometimes you can fix something by just saying "fuck you"
America's real national anthem

sometimes you can fix something by just being the same
have lots of things in common

sometimes you can fix something by just changing yourself
with a nose job or liposuction

sometimes you can fix something by just changing real fast
adapt or face extinction

0 couplets contributed by DETER CLAWMUTE AND ZIPPO BRECKENRIDGE:

Sometimes you can fix something by throwing out a line
Sometimes you can fix something by bailing it like twine
Sometimes you can fix something by holding for yourself
Sometimes you can fix something by helping someone else
How long everybody going to wait in this line?
Sometimes you can fix something by being on time

Sometimes you can fix something by ‘ssembling all the parts
Sometimes you can fix something by fumble fits and starts
Sometimes you can fix something by standing on one leg
Sometimes you can fix something by scrambling an egg
All I need’s a dollar put some air in the tire
I’d use the credit card but it’s expired

Sometimes you can fix something by running through the hose
Sometimes you can fix something by blowing your own nose
Sometimes you can fix something by learning how to sneeze
Sometimes you can fix something by waiting for the breeze
I’ll leave the light on, I know you like it late
Won’t be no soda pop, I never could relate

Sometimes you can fix something by filling up a box
Sometimes you can fix something by pelting it with rocks
Sometimes you can fix something by standing in the sun
Sometimes you can fix something by stealing back my gun
Don’t forget to lie about your current situation
Sometimes you can fix something by taking a vacation

Sometimes you can fix something by taking off the lids
Sometimes you can fix something by steering into skids
Sometimes you can fix something by pretending you don’t know
Sometimes you can fix something by puttin’ on a show
Someday I’ll wander, comin’ back thru this town
Sometimes you can fix something by never bein’ found

32 couplets contributed by BRAD BOLTON:

Sometimes you can fix something by having a meltdown
I want a patty meltdown

Sometimes you can fix something by not doing nothing
Now that would really be something

Sometimes you can fix something by running away
Just be sure it doesn’t follow

Sometimes you can fix something by calling the mouse king
He would just think you’re nuts

Sometimes you can fix something
without even thinking

Sometimes you can fix something
without even drinking

Sometimes you can fix something
just try winking

Sometimes you can fix something
without even blinking

Sometimes you can fix something by
giving a nod

Sometimes you can fix something by
carrying a hod

Sometimes you can fix something by
showing your elation

Sometimes you can fix something by
blind adulation

Sometimes you can fix something
with teen infatuation

Sometimes you can fix something
with righteous indignation

Sometimes you can fix something
through trial and tribulation

Sometimes you can fix something
with a screaming angry nation

Sometimes you can fix something by being an a-hole
But you can’t fix nothin in this shithole country

Sometimes you can fix something by turning it over
over easy over easy ovaries

Sometimes you can fix something while you’re still alive
But it’s easier when you’re dead

Sometimes you can fix something
before you awake

Sometimes you can fix something
but then it’s too late

Sometimes you can fix something
by playing in the mud

Sometimes you can fix something
just talk like Elmer Fudd

Sometimes you can fix something by
wanting to screw 2 x 4s, together

Sometimes you can fix something by driving a car
just remember - stay out of baaars! (no texting no texting no texting)

Sometimes you can fix something that’s already fixed
do it over and over and over and over (fade into next line)

Sometimes you can fix something by watching Fox News
But I ain’t ever seen that happen

Sometimes you can fix something, we’ll fix it in the mix
Especially if we’re making muffins

Sometimes you can fix something by changing baby’s diaper
It’s so easy if you use a windshield wiper

Sometimes you can fix something by blaming someone else
But first you have to hide all the mirrors

Sometimes you can fix something by eating all your veggies
Just hide your cake and eat it, too

Sometimes you can fix something if it’s not too late
But you can crastinate, just like a pro.

Sometimes you can fix something if it ever stops
But this thing never does, it’s time to call the cops

13 couplets contributed by CB - Radio Station ID Break:

SOMETIMES YOU CAN FIX SOMETHING BY JUST GIVING YOUR LEGAL ID
WE PAUSE FOR STATION IDENTIFICATION…

sometimes you can fix something by being a good boss
not one of those modern venal strivers

sometimes you can fix something by just being dependent
on the kindness of strangers

sometimes you can fix something by getting your PhD.
tho that won’t help ya flipping burgers

sometimes you can fix something by just making that call
you might already be a winner

sometimes you can fix something by just being a thief
lots of art's appropriation

sometimes you can fix something by just saying it's art
the essence of Duchampism

sometimes you can fix something by just being a thief
lots of good ideas are stolen

sometimes you can fix something by just getting caught
then go thru rehabilitation

sometimes you can fix something by just learning to type
have a skill you can fall back on

sometimes you can fix something by not learning to type
who needs carpal tunnel syndrome?

sometimes you can fix something with just more oomph
zizz-up the schmutz with zotz and gookum

sometimes you can fix something with still more oomph
just get yourself a bigger engine

16 couplets contributed by Mick Hargreaves:

Sometimes you can fix something by turning it on
Please maintain a safe distance…

Sometimes you can fix something by shutting it off
Cool down that hot machine, boy

Sometimes you can fix something by hitting it hard
Please pass the persuasion tool

Sometimes you can fix something by doing nothing at all
Monitor the situation

Sometimes you can fix something by staying awake
You're gonna need some coffee…

Sometimes you can fix something by going to sleep
But then you lay awake all night…

Sometimes you can fix something by not being a flake
Ninety percent of life is showing up (Woody Allen)

Sometimes you can fix something by being total flake
Ninety percent of life is not showing up

Sometimes you can fix something by faking disinterest
That's passive-aggressive

Sometimes you can fix something by getting it used
Like at Salvation Armani

Sometimes you can fix something by thrown' in the towel
Please put it in the hamper, dear

Sometimes you can fix something by using ALL CAPS
Escalation is essential

Sometimes you can fix something by turning up the bass
That always works for bass players

Sometimes you can fix something by reversing the phase
Not just the phase you're going through

Sometimes you can fix something by asking the producer
I don't know, what do you think?

Sometimes you can fix something by adding lots of vocals
Just keep it interesting

0 couplets contributed by Ralph Carney - turkish:

None!

1 couplets contributed by Bill Janoff:

sometimes you can fix something by just freakin’ out
just going Breeeep!$#$@%$#^%$&^&$&*arrrrheeeepht!

15 couplets contributed by MISSILE TOE:

Sometimes you can fix something by saying “Merry Christmas”
And “Happy New Year”

Sometimes you can fix something by rockin’ out with Missile Toe
Hung where you can see

Sometimes you can fix something with tinsel and garland
On an aluminum tree

Sometimes you can fix something with cards and presents
Sugar plum fairy dreams

Sometimes you can fix something by dashing through the snow
In a one-horse open sleigh

Sometimes you can fix something by o're the fields we go
Laughing all the way

Sometimes you can fix something by making cookies with Grandma
Decorating the tree

Sometimes you can fix something with a letter to Santa
Wish list fantasy

Sometimes you can fix something by singing like an angel in a choir
With reindeer socks

Sometimes you can fix something by setting fire to the Yule log
With a hot cup of cocoa

Sometimes you can fix something by building a snowman
On a bright Winter day

Sometimes you can fix something by throwing a snowball
And running away

Sometimes you can fix something by jumping on Rosebud
Sledding down a hill

Sometimes you can fix something by wassailing in the early night
Underneath a star and Christmas lights

Sometimes you can fix something with a candy cane, the songs you sing
Joy to the world you bring

Sometimes you can fix something with 12 drummers drumming
And 5 golden rings

12 couplets contributed by Claudia Chopek and New Retro Strings featuring Ward White:

sometimes you can fix something by failing to arrive
absence makes the heart grow fonder

sometimes you can fix something by just waking away
but then you always have to wonder

sometimes you can fix something with a brutal show of force
riot gear, tear gas and batons

sometimes you can fix something with democracy
but committee thinking gives us sitcoms

sometimes you can fix something by not taking your pill
it’s a safety net: medication

sometimes you can fix something by taking all the pills
nothing quite so dull as desperation

sometimes you can fix something by just being born
another screaming mouth. awh who’ll feed them?

sometimes you can fix something by passing away
the stupid with no blind to lead them

sometimes you can fix something by yanking the tooth
well he’s a dentist, not a doctor

sometimes you can fix something by letting it decay
keep it hid behind a locked door

sometimes you can fix something by burning it to the ground
well, a phoenix rose up from the ashes

sometimes you can fix something by losing what you found
that bird could be a monster if it hatches

20 couplets contributed by Keith Allison:

Sometimes you can fix something by listening to the Ginger Geezer,
Explore the canyons of your mind, old chap

Sometimes you can fix something by burning down the house,
But just make sure you have insurance

Sometimes you can fix something by playing Blonde on Blonde,
Sooner or later one of us must know

Sometimes you can fix something by just cutting a rug,
Step up and trip the light fantastic

Sometimes you can fix something by just opening your mind,
Just make sure that your brains don't fall out

Sometimes you can fix something by just changing your name,
Give yourself the name you've always wanted

Sometimes you can fix something by just looking the part,
All dressed up and nowhere to go

Sometimes you can fix something by barking up the wrong tree,
The answer's where you least expect it

Sometimes you can fix something by just biting the bullet,
What doesn't kill us makes us stronger

Sometimes you can fix something by playing like Billy Ficca,
Move to the beat of a different drummer

Sometimes you can fix something by jumping on the bandwagon,
Pretend you liked them before they were famous

Sometimes you can fix something by just looking before you leap,
Make sure the ground is still beneath you

Sometimes you can fix something by just using sleight of hand,
Also called prestidigitation

Sometimes you can fix something by keeping your sense of proportion,
Don't make a mountain from a mole hill

Sometimes you can fix something by just taking charge,
Just say, "It's my way or the highway"

Sometimes you can fix something by just reading between the lines,
Work out what they are really saying

Sometimes you can fix something by just fine tuning,
No need to reinvent the wheel, there

Sometimes you can fix something by running it up the flagpole,
Stand back and see who salutes it

Sometimes you can fix something by shaking hands with the wife's best friend,
Go to the bathroom in Australia

Sometimes you can fix something by taking your mind off it,
You know a watched pot never boils

16 couplets contributed by COREY JENKINS:

Sometimes you can fix something by leaving it be
But you never learned that lesson

Sometimes you can fix something with X, Y, and Z
But you're stuck on A, B, and C

Sometimes you can fix something by just saying please
Maybe try to break a smile

Sometimes you can fix something if you just agree
Try to widen your perspective

Sometimes you can fix something by planting a tree
But you threw out all the seeds

Sometimes you can fix something with help from Staci
But you never got her number

Sometimes you can fix something with carrots and peas
Too bad you won't eat your veggies

Sometimes you can fix something by scraping your knees
Learn to let yourself fall down

Sometimes you can fix something with endless pleas
And maybe pizza as incentive

Sometimes you can fix something with a different set of keys
But you can't remember where you left them

Sometimes you can fix something by petting your kitty
But you left the front door open

Sometimes you can fix something if one and one made three
Too bad it's two and thats for certain

Sometimes you can fix something with honey from the bees
You've been stung too many times

Sometimes you can fix something with love from sweet Katie
When is she coming back from Boston?

Sometimes you can fix something with a shot of whiskey
And a double vodka chaser

Sometimes you can fix something if you would just leave
But you never learned how to take a hint

7 couplets contributed by Joe Howell:

Sometimes you can fix something by
looking at it differently, look at it from this side

Sometimes you can fix something by
holding up a family from your inside

Sometimes you can fix something by
having day dreams on a car ride, looking cross-eyed

Sometimes you can fix something
falling asleep, but it's easier to die

Sometimes you can fix something
calling the shots

lift up the hood, hand me the tool
gotta think hard, gotta look cool

Sometimes you can fix something
by making it up

15 couplets contributed by Ed Seifert:

Sometimes you can fix something by just painting it black,
Just like the Rolling Stones did

Sometimes you can fix something by cutting each other some slack,
Treat 'em like they were you own kid

Sometimes you can fix something by just casting a vote,
For a proud and grateful nation

Sometimes you can fix something by just calling your dad,
He'll get you the nomination

Sometimes you can fix something by adding up some sums,
That might solve all your conumdrums

Sometimes you can fix something by banging on a drum,
Say "Hello" to Todd Rundgren

Sometimes you can fix something by just changing the beat,
And find yourself some syncopation

Sometimes you can fix something by just dragging your feet,
And exhibit hesitation

Sometimes you can fix something by asking, "What would Jesus do?",
And accept your crucifixion

Sometimes you can fix something by asking, "What would Elvis do?"
And shoot a hole in your television

Sometimes you can fix something by just swinging rhubarb,
And stick it to that cocky Russian

Sometimes you can fix something by not hitting your head,
And that's how you avoid concussions

Sometimes you can fix something by just making ends meet,
Rhubarb rhubarb Madonna

Sometimes you can fix something by finding a new spot,
Rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb orange

Sometimes you can fix something by just admitting there's not
Any word that rhymes with orange

16 couplets contributed by Kramer:

sometimes you can fix something by just holding court
like Dorothy Parker at the Algonquin

sometimes you can fix something if things just go right
no unexpected complications

sometimes you can fix something by just making a deal
enter in negotiations

sometimes you can fix something by just telling a shrink
your phobias and fixations

sometimes you can fix something by just staging a coup
a bloody act of liberation

sometimes you can fix something by just playing the long shot
tho that's a risky proposition

sometimes you can fix something by just knowing the odds
then make an accurate prediction

sometimes you can fix something by just hedging your bets
avoid a reckless speculation

sometimes you can fix something by just flipping a coin
heads you lose, tails I win

sometimes you can fix something by releasing it "as is"
de-bug it in a later version

sometimes you can fix something by just saying "I'll pass"
an act of self-preservation

sometimes you can fix something by just makin' it up
everything is fiction

sometimes you can fix something by just getting bought out
if they can meet your stipulations

sometimes you can fix something by just mnusy lkspek lknaoi
yeah...i gotta work on my diction

sometimes you can fix something by just dropping a beat
are you still listening?

sometimes you can fix something by playing on the roof
“Oi ‘ope we’ve passed the audition”

4 couplets contributed by Malcolm Marsden:

Sometimes you can fix something with a paper and pen,
But please don't bring your lawyer

Sometimes you can fix something by conniving with friends,
And pulling a Tom Sawyer

Sometimes you can fix something by kissing a ring,
But you'll incur some obligations

Sometimes you can fix something by, oh...making it up,
Call the United Nations

89 couplets contributed by Verne Davis:

Sometimes you can fix something by building a machine
A mean machine to start world domination

Sometimes you can fix something by just eating a peach
The Allman Brothers help cure constipation

Sometimes you can fix something by cutting your band in half
And giving yourself more room for stage gyration

Sometimes you can fix something by putting up yellow tape
Protect the crime scene from contamination

Sometimes you can fix something by banging on a tree
But only in a Sasquatch habitation

Sometimes you can fix something by eating some beef jerky
And rousing up some Sasquatch irritation

Sometimes you can fix something by reading Sigmund Freud
And learning about the future of illusion

Sometimes you can fix something by quoting Sigmund Freud
A cigar says nothing about your protrusion

Sometimes you can fix something by just fetching a stick
When it’s dog-eat-dog a perfect occupation

Sometimes you can fix something by just calling in sick
Keep them guessing about your dedication

Sometimes you can fix something by just fixing a thing
Ain’t no need for crass specification

Sometimes you can fix something by just naming a thing
Some call it nominalization

Sometimes you can fix something by just taking a bath
Some lowly form of self-purification

Sometimes you can fix something by just skinning a cat
BeBop fans are into mutilation

Sometimes you can get fix something by getting a new tattoo
A drunken choice can show your dedication

Sometimes you can fix something by turning to channel two
And Get some gifts for making a donation

Sometimes you can fix something by just wearing a shirt
Slogans are a pure communication

Sometimes you can fix something by just drinking some wort
A brewer’s joke for your edification [Look it up!]

Sometimes you can fix something by just spinning your wheels
A gravel shower will get all their attention

Sometimes you can fix something by just cooling your heels
Give yourself some after-school detention

Sometimes you can fix something by stealing a good riff
Thumb your nose at legal litigation

Sometimes you can fix something by being a knif
And bastardize the real pronunciation

Sometimes you can fix something by being locked up in jail
A good defense in case of accusation

Sometimes you can fix something by getting out on bail
And avoiding any further penetration

Sometimes you can fix something by just being crude
But blame it on a lack of medication

Sometimes you can fix something by just being booed
And avoid all forms of pointless adulation

Sometimes you can fix something by throwing in your hat
As long as you don’t want the nomination

Sometimes you can fix something by just saying you’re fat
Admit your body’s an abomination

Sometimes you can fix something by going back to school
Make your mother proud at graduation

Sometimes you can fix something by stopping being cool
And being part of that de-evolution

Sometimes you can fix something by being too obscure
So join in the post-modern revolution

Sometimes you can fix something by just being a fool
And lowering all senseless expectations

Sometimes you can fix something by making a new rule
Like no stuttering while singing My Generation

Sometimes you can fix something by spanking your own ass
I don’t know why it’s just my own perversion

Sometimes you can fix something by just being an ass
And doing odd things to create a diversion

Sometimes you can fix something by not going on-line
Facebook can become a sad obsession

Sometimes you can fix something by just going on line
And selling all your most precious possessions

Sometimes you can fix something by just having a smoke
And bothering people with your self-destruction

Sometimes you can fix something by joining in a joke
And hoping you make the cut in the production

Sometimes you can fix something by just growing old
But not that cheerleader infatuation

Sometimes you can fix something by doing what you’re told
Restraining orders help resist cheerleader infatuation

Sometimes you can fix something by talking to yourself
But hope you don’t have a self-obsession

Sometimes you fix something by gaining a lot of wealth
A jet ski is a cure for most depression

Sometimes you can fix something by just getting ‘er done
Sleeveless shirts and ball cap fascination

Sometimes you can fix something by being number one
And showing your foam finger digitation

Sometimes you can fix something by eating your head
As long as you have proper marination

Sometimes you can fix something by eating all the dead
Geneva would love that strict regulation

Sometimes you can fix something by growing your own food
Though Organic is a silly designation

Sometimes you fix something by growing you own brood
Though nothing’s worse than reckless procreation

Sometimes you can fix something by writing a good line
But moon in June just lacks imagination

Sometimes you can fix something by just taking your time
Ignore all insults of procrastination

Sometimes you can fix something by just repeating a line
But moon in June just lacks imagination

Sometimes you can fix something by just repeating a line
Redundancy can prove imagination

Sometimes you fix something by just chanting a chant
And slip into a mystic transformation

Sometimes you can fix something by reading Emmanuel Kant
Though those Germans seemed to hate the Jewish nation

Sometimes you can fix something by wearing a spandex suit
A simple form of body modification

Sometimes you can fix something just taking a toot
Cocaine helped Californication

Sometimes you can fix something by just giving a hoot
Pollution is a global degradation

Sometimes you can fix something by taking off your pants
Randy Newman is a fucking genius

Sometimes you can fix something by just refusing to rhyme
Randy Newman is still a fucking genius

Sometimes you can fix something by turning your clocks back
Though DST is such a pointless mission

Sometimes you can fix something by just shutting up
Since DST is such a firm tradition

Sometime you can fix something by carrying all the weight
The world upon your shoulders shows conviction

Sometimes you can fix something by giving in to hate
And buying in to paranoid prediction

Sometimes you can fix something by blessing all the meek
The world will be their promised inheritance

Sometimes you fix something by acting like a geek
A chicken’s head will be make up your sustenance

Sometimes you can fix something by striking up a flame
Encores now will only need a cell phone

Sometimes you can fix something by taking on the blame
Nothing good will ever involve a cell phone

Sometimes you can fix something by driving in your car
Your mileage will predict your destination

Sometimes you can fix something by sleeping in your car
Some people claim it’s their habitation

Sometimes you can fix something by doing it in the road
The truth will help advance your reputation

Sometimes you can fix something by taking it all slow
Unless like me you hate blues-ification

Sometimes you can fix something by staying in 4/4
And saying no to cliché syncopation

Sometimes you can fix something by just seeing a shrink
And getting over all your sad fixations

Sometimes you can fix something by having another think
Why was Freud obsessed with cigars?

Sometimes you can fix something by coming to the end
Admit it’s just a fictionalization

Sometimes you can fix something by seriousing-up your voice
And waiting for some form of validation

Sometimes you fix something by just making a fist
Remembering the Kent assassinations

Sometimes you can fix something by reading off a list
Like all the 9/11 commemorations

Sometimes you can fix something by crying yourself to sleep
And hope you find sort of absolution

Sometimes you can fix something by pampering yourself
Pay attention to your morning abalutions

Sometime you can fix something by sitting on a fence
And hope that gravity will give direction

Sometimes you can fix something by shouting out a name
And hope that name will call up past affections

Sometimes you can fix something by just reading a book
I recommend Swami Vivekanda

Sometimes you can fix something by just getting a pet
Though I don’t recommend an anaconda

Sometimes you can fix something by looking out the window
Write a song without participation

Sometimes you can fix something by locking all your doors
But only if you’re hoping for stagnation

Sometimes you can fix something by staring at the wall
A blank screen can be an inspiration

Sometimes you can fix something by hearing the siren’s call
But only if you ignore their navigation

Sometimes you can fix something by saying enough’s enough
Like I’m saying now………….

12 couplets contributed by Tyler Zahnke:

Sometimes you can fix something by watching a 3D movie,
You'll say, "I can't believe it!"

Sometimes you can fix something just by givine out a loud shriek,
just like rhubarb rhubarb

Sometimes you can fix something just by checking your e-mail,
Hope you don't get any spam

Sometimes you can fix something by eating some lunch meat,
Baloney, turkey or ham

Sometimes you can fix something just by learning how to program,
html or javascript

Sometimes you can listen to ambient music,
See for yourself rhubarb

Sometimes you can fix something just by sampling tapes,
Just like rhubarb rhubarb

Sometimes you can fix something by larking around vocally,
Like a big-time fool-o

Sometimes you can fix something just by eating dessert,
A pie, a cookie or a cake

Sometimes you can fix something just by eating some meat,
In the form of plain or shake'n'bake

Sometimes you can fix something just by listening to heavy metal,
Make sure it doesn't blow your ears out

Sometimes you can fix something just by listening to classical music,
when you put the lights out

0 couplets contributed by Bob Waltz:

Sometimes you can fix something by fixing it twice
then give up altogether

Sometimes you can fix something by going fishing
Sometimes you just need to fish

Sometimes you can fix something by leaving it alone
Everything will work if you let it

Sometimes you can fix something in your dreams
Let your brain do all the work

Sometimes you can fix something by using a lamp cord
Tied neatly around your neck

Sometimes you can fix something with a bottle of beer
Or three or five or seven

Sometimes you can fix something by ignoring it
Maybe it will go away

Sometimes you can fix something with 3 lbs of nails
You get to pound the shit out of something

Sometimes you can fix something by climbing the walls
Be sure to bring a ladder

Sometimes you can fix something by staring it in the face
But not a gorilla

Sometimes you can fix something by Driving around
In some one else's car

Sometimes you can fix something by pissing in the wind
Be sure to bring an umbrella

Sometimes you can fix something by killing the messenger
It was probably bad news anyway

Sometimes you can fix something by just being there
No one ever stays present

Sometimes you can fix something by listening to the wind
I heard the answers in their a'blowin

Sometimes you can fix something by going to sea
All rivers and streams lead there

Sometimes you can fix something with a banjo string
A lot of strength for it's size

Sometimes you can fix something by climbing inside
Hard to judge something by it's cover

Sometimes you can fix something by saying hello
Nice to meet cha'

Sometimes you can fix something by taking it apart
And then just put it back together

Sometimes you can fix something by smacking it twice
Or dropping it on the floor

Sometimes you can fix something by fixing yourself
Turns out it was you that was broken

3 couplets contributed by johnBfree:

Sometimes you can fix something using WikiLeaks
You might even get to be President

Sometimes you can fix something by saying crazy shit
Putting people in a frenzy

Sometimes you can fix something by getting in its way
Just don’t call it obstruction

Sometimes you can fix something by working with your friend
Just don’t call it collusion

Sometimes you can fix something but just moving on
But they might call you a coward

Sometimes you can fix something by holding your ground
Putting it all on your shoulders

Sometimes you can fix something by using sworn enemies
Let them do all the digging

Sometimes you can fix something by blowing something up
But it will leave your ears ringing

3 couplets contributed by R. Stevie Moore:

Sometimes you can break something by just being a prick
Winning by intimidation.

Sometimes you can break something by just lifting your skirt
Look out for the tortoise.

Carry on, carry on

Sometimes you can break something by just putting your hand out
Look into the dictionary

27 couplets contributed by Bob Gaulke:

sometimes you can fix something by just saying you're wrong
even when you don't mean it

sometimes you can fix something by doing yoga
getting close to sweaty women

sometimes you can fix something by talking to the dog
walking doesn't solve the problem

sometimes you can fix something Skype-ing with your mom
for a nicer set of problems

sometimes you can fix something by just passing out
rebooting all major functions

sometimes you can fix something by eating Brussels sprouts
there's quality of life in Belgium

sometimes you can fix something by paying for lunch
those sprouts were expensive

sometimes you can fix something by just showing up
your presence makes an impact

sometimes you can fix something by moving out of town
pulling a minor geographic

sometimes you can fix something burning in the sun
shriveling up like bacon

sometimes you can fix something freezing in the dark
cheap flights to Iceland

sometimes you can fix something curled in a ball
take the fetal position

sometimes you can fix something riding the bus
context is everything

sometimes you can fix something getting very lost
in a foreign country

sometimes you can fix something by ignoring the cost
money doesn't change anything

Sometimes you can fix something by just running away
making up the explanation

Sometimes you can fix something by shooting at the stars
burning up the "B" plan

Sometimes you can fix something by falling out of love
seeing other trees in the forest

Sometimes you can fix something by soaking in the tub
Scrubbing at sticky objects

Sometimes you can fix something by staying where you are
Going with the worlds rotation

Sometimes you can fix something by taking the subway
avoiding all surface tension

Sometimes you can fix something by reading history
getting context for your problems

Sometimes you can fix something with Indian poetry
a.k. Ramanujan in particular

Sometimes you can fix something by declaring victory
don't you know we gotta war on

Sometimes you can fix something by savoring defeat
humility makes us human

Sometimes you can fix something by sleeping with a snake
it's nice under a heat lamp

Sometimes you can fix something by embracing what you hate
karma comes in flavors of instant

20 couplets contributed by The Quarter Cleveland Trio:

Sometimes you can fix something by writing it in cursive
So at least the line looks elegant

Sometimes you can fix something and sometimes you can't
Tigers shouldn't try to ride elephants

Sometimes you can fix something by total disassembly
And break it again once it's back together

Sometimes you can fix something by pulling out your hair in large tufts
But not baldness

Sometimes you can fix something by trying to look cool
But not vanity

Sometimes you can fix something by developing a scientific cure
More than you can by monetizing it

Sometimes you can fix something by remembering the correct bid
Damnit! What do I bid here?

Sometimes you can fix something just by dreaming of something else
That step back can really make things clear

Sometimes you can fix something before it fixes you
So keep your ears to the ground and look around too

Sometimes you can fix something by breeding out iffy traits
For a nicer set of pearly whites and sprightlier gaits

Sometimes you can fix something before they run the race
Unless old Hard Hoof loses a shoe and comes in last place

Sometimes you can fix something by running from the bookie
Unless he runs into you and rearranges your face

Sometimes you can fix something with a Q-tip and alcohol
But don't eat them in that order

Sometimes you can fix something just by taking it to The Guy
Thank god there's The Guy

Sometimes you can fix something when the rights parts finally arrive
Where the hell is UPS??

Sometimes you can fix something by putting an egg back in its nest
That legend about the tainted human scent is total B.S.

Sometimes you can fix something just by wishing and praying hard enough
Just kidding

Sometimes you can fix something by just being just
Liberty is always balanced

Sometimes you can fix something by eating a sub
Good nutrition’s overrated

Sometimes you can fix something by just penciling in
Working up a few ideas

17 couplets contributed by Keith Allison:

Sometimes you can fix something by playing chess with Death
not going gentle into that good night

Sometimes you can fix something by playing an LP
You know that vinyl sounds much better

Sometimes you can fix something by making a pot of tea
With milk or lemon to complete it

Sometimes you can fix something by just using the click track
No need to keep the count in your head

Sometimes you can fix something by quoting Oscar Wilde,
"There is no sin except stupidity"

Sometimes you can fix something by losing your way,
That's when the unexpected happens

Sometimes you can fix something by getting a Brand New Bag,
Just like the Godfather of Soul did

Sometimes you can fix something by not holding back,
Throwing all caution to the winds

Sometimes you can fix something by just hanging back,
Let someone else stand in the spotlight

Sometimes you can fix something by talking in blank verse
Make life a tragedy by Shakespeare

Sometimes you can fix something by sleeping in the day,
Go out all night and paint the town red

Sometimes you can fix something by working like Joe Meek,
Record the drummer in the bathroom

Sometimes you can fix something by just turning it off,
Then switch it right back on again

Sometimes you can fix something by waiting 'till they're relaxed,
Set up a false sense of security

Sometimes you can fix something by talking like a pirate
Don't let them think that you're a bilge rat

Sometimes you can fix something by trying to be the best
Play the guitar like Richard Thompson

Sometimes you can fix something by talking like Michael Caine
"You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!"

0 couplets contributed by FLAtRich:

sometimes you can fix something by just shooting it into space

magnetic ships will carry us
to Level 5
where everyone lives happily
in celestial harmony
just floating there among the
spheres in Level 5
but down on Earth
in Belly Rave where cats and
rats eat better than
outlaws, outcasts and gypsy
orphans, left alone,
like atomic waste,
to break down
in a million years.
back to The Dark Ages for
you stupid magicians:
professors of absolute
certainty and greed.
crumbling dead flowers:
power turned off forever!
our gentle intellect will save us
on Level 5.
where scientists work hand in hand
perfecting modern man
magnetic ships will ferry us
to Level 5.

4 couplets contributed by The Byzan Tones:

sometimes you can fix some thing by playing a buzuki
if you make the rhythm hard and the melody real spooky

you’ll learn the truth of which philosophers have spoken
stop trying to fix the world and learn to love it broken

sometimes you can fix something with your baghlama vaiki
and if you play real good, I’ll dance a zembegaiki

that is to dance where every step is your invention
and you honor your mistake as your hidden intention

17 couplets contributed by Jim Turner:

Sometimes you can fix something by riding on a road,
Get out a hot rod engine and you got a heavy load

Sometimes you can walk something and fix it on the street,
You can feel that sidewalk coming up and it talks your beat

Sometimes you can fix something by climbing up a tree,
Climbing up through the sensitive trembling leaves, you and me

Sometimes you can fix something by getting on that couch,
Talking to that psychiatrist I said, "I got problems that'll make you say ouch"

Sometimes you can fix something by going down to the store,
I have a lot of conversations with people down there and that's why I want to go back some more

Sometimes you can fix something by touching yourself just right,
Gotta touch myself and I wanna touch you with me tonight

Sometimes you can fix something by taking that wrench up and turn,
Man, I got the heavy load in the hammer now and rhubarb

Sometimes you can fix something by getting out on the floor,
I wanna jump around with the lights turned down crying, "More!" "More!" "More!"

Sometimes you can fix something by bumping to the beat,
Gotta get in touch with that primordial zone from your head down to your feet

Sometimes you can fix something by just letting go,
Gotta say I've got a hot-rod motor, got a heavy load

Sometimes you can fix something by going, "Ah, ah-ah-ahhh!",
Sometimes you can fix something by going, "Oh, oh-oohhh!"

Sometimes you can fix something by just breathing deep,
Feel the rhythm coursing from you from your bottom to your feet

Sometimes you can fix something by getting out, going fast,
Downshift this thing Baby, turning left, going down to the last

Sometimes you can fix something by riding in a train,
I've been all over the country, Baby, and IU don't think I'll be back again

Sometimes you can fix something by meditating real deep,
Found that connection to that place where I was deep in my sleep

Sometimes you can fix something when you're driving in your car,
Just like Bob Dylan said, you could be playing your cigar

Sometimes you can fix something by being the boss rhubarb,
That's when Jemes Brown pull it up rhubarb

Sometimes you can fix something by breaking a couple of twigs,
Put 'em in this here recording studio and rhubarb

Sometimes you can fix something by just letting go,
I'm mainly known for the things I never say and don't even know

0 couplets contributed by Ralph Carney - horns:

undecipherable!

23 couplets contributed by Mrs. Irene Elizabeth Butler:

sometimes you can fix something by just being possessed
by parasitic aliens

sometimes you can fix something by just being attacked
by an interstellar infestation

sometimes you can fix something by having an evil twin
oh...that one

sometimes you can fix something by traveling in time
escape into the 4th dimension

sometimes you can fix something with any of the above
all cheesy Star Trek plot inventions

sometimes you can fix something by just willing it fixed
they really study this at Princeton

sometimes you can fix something by just knowing your roots
my ethnic background is suburban

sometimes you can fix something by just wearing a hat
a derby or a turban

sometimes you can fix something with a better rhyme than that
believe me, I'm trying

sometimes you can fix everything with a smart drummer
tho that's an oxymoron

sometimes you can fix something by just being a spud
the truth about de-evolution

sometimes you can fix something by always landing on your feet
just like Buster Keaton

sometimes you can fix something by just ordering out
Cantonese, Hunan or Schezuan

sometimes you can fix something by just listing your strengths
also too many to mention

sometimes you can fix something by just listing your faults
is that an ego deflating?

sometimes you can fix something with just some flower tops
chamomile or echinacea

sometimes you can fix something by just changing your blood
flush out all those toxins

sometimes you can fix something by just going “boom”
that’s supposed to be an explosion

sometimes you can fix something by just saying “what’s goin’ on?”
stop all this commotion

sometimes you can fix something by saying “excuse me, dear”
“pass the suntan lotion”

sometimes you can fix something by staring off into space
dreams are the mother of creation

sometimes you can fix something by going overseas
but what's the point of Belgium?

sometimes you can fix something by just thinking big
that's a strategy for winning

19 couplets contributed by Maiku:

Sometimes you can fix something by giving it one more try,
I don't know what they say about the fourth time

Sometimes you can fix something by just being up front with it,
some of these lyrics aren't gonna rhyme

Sometimes you can fix something by going to a bar,
but only drink in moderation

Sometimes you can fix something by not going to a bar,
you're prone to inebriation

Sometimes you can fix something by going up an octave
and pretend that you are Sting

Sometimes you can fix something by just talking in a whisper, not
everyone needs to know everything

Sometimes you can fix something by not trying to sing,
plain talking is probably your best bet

Sometimes you can fix something by setting the record straight,
the song "Bitch" is by Meredith Brooks, not Alanis Morrisette

Sometimes you can fix something by just taking charge,
especially if you don't believe in fate

Sometimes you can fix something by patting yourself on the back, but
did I really help overturn Prop 8?

Sometimes you can fix something by hiding underground,
save yourself from the apocalypse

Sometimes you can fix something by staying above ground, all the
nutjobs and worrywarts are hiding now, let's celebrate!

Sometimes you can't fix something, so you just say "To hell with it!",
go buy a replacement

Sometimes you can fix something by striking out on your own, you don't
wanna live in your parent's basement

Sometimes you can fix something by just asking for help,
I wanna know what girls like, I wanna know what they want

Sometimes you can fix something by just being immature,
NYAH NYAH NYAH NYAH NYAH, NYAH NYAH NYAH NYAH NYAH!

Sometimes you can fix something by acting real mature,
know when it's time to get serious

Sometimes you can fix something by just trailing off,
because...well...um...delirious

Sometimes you can fix something by just sticking around,
you never know when you'll be needed

Sometimes you can fix something by not sticking around,
that's it, go on, beat it

90 couplets contributed by Chris Butler:

sometimes you can fix something by just building a ramp
if you have the inclination!

sometimes you can fix something by just sitting around
ideas come from relaxation

sometimes you can fix something by just blowing it up
the world reacts to provocation

sometimes you can fix something by just takin' it slow
our culture loves procrastination

sometimes you can fix something by just hurrying up
we worship instant solutions

sometimes you can fix something by just looking away
Zen Buddhist in-attention

sometimes you can fix something with just a mistake
don't get too hung-up on perfection

sometimes you can fix something by just doing it right
craftsmanship requires precision

sometimes you can fix something with total control
aim for global domination

sometimes you can fix something by just playing along
give 'em enough rope to hang 'em

sometimes you can fix something by just working like hell
that will not hurt your reputation

sometimes you can fix something by not working too hard
burn-out is a real problem

sometimes you can fix something by just having faith
sometimes miracles can happen

sometimes you can fix something by just saying a prayer
wait for divine intervention

sometimes you can fix something by just trusting your luck
roll them bones and see what happens

sometimes you can fix something by just being a cheat
mastermind the final outcome

sometimes you can fix something by just being tough
ya gotta learn ta take rejection

sometimes you can fix something by just being scared
heroes never seem to live long

sometimes you can fix something by just taking a class
learn new techniques, new information

sometimes you can fix something by just building a wall
there's such a thing as too much freedom

sometimes you can fix something by tightening your belt
learn to live within restrictions

sometimes you can fix something by just busting loose
don't let 'em squish your self-expression

sometimes you can fix something by just shutting up
let someone smarter do the talking

sometimes you can fix something by just coming in last
but wait 'til next season

sometimes you can fix something by just holding out
wear away the opposition

sometimes you can fix something by just being a fool
innocence trumps sophistication

sometimes you can fix something by just knowing the law
when they try and pull a fast one

sometimes you can fix something by just screening your calls
they're always tryin' ta sell ya somethin’

sometimes you can fix something by just washing your hands
eliminate contamination

sometimes you can fix something by just wearing a mask
sometimes it's best ta keep 'em guessing

sometimes you can fix something by just going to hell
pave it with the best intentions

sometimes you can fix something by just telling all
exorcize your deepest demons

sometimes you can fix something by just saying "no"
take an intractable position

sometimes you can fix something by just saying "yes"
if they can meet all your conditions

sometimes you can fix something with just the right spin
make 'em question what they're seeing

sometimes you can fix something by just changing your mind
there's nothing wrong with indecision

sometimes you can fix something by just building a fort
hunker down for the duration

sometimes you can fix something by just changing sides
if you can't beat 'em...join 'em

sometimes you can fix something by just getting laid
orgasm releases tension

sometimes you can fix something by just jacking off
you can't get AIDS from masturbation

sometimes you can fix something by just getting drunk
a cure for mental constipation

sometimes you can fix something by just having one drink
everything in moderation

sometimes you can fix something by just taking the heat
or get out of the kitchen

sometimes you can fix something by just passing the buck
blame it on another person

sometimes you can fix something by just turning around
try a mid-course correction

sometimes you can fix something by just trying to cope
with patience, tact and stoicism

sometimes you can fix something by just starting to cry
people can't take raw emotions

sometimes you can fix something by running from your past
join the French Foreign Legion

sometimes you can fix something by just turning a knob
volume is a weapon

sometimes you can fix something by just toning it down
too much too fast might overwhelm 'em

sometimes you can fix something by just giving a gift
mollify the opposition

sometimes you can fix something by just taking it back
ya don't wanna spoil 'em

sometimes you can fix something by just playing dumb
try to get off with a warning

sometimes you can fix something by just being sharp
stall with a brilliant explanation

sometimes you can fix something by just going to church
maybe God will pay attention
Refrain

sometimes you can fix something by just being a prick
winning by intimidation

sometimes you can fix something by just lifting your skirt
it's the ultimate distraction

V
i poke button
i want action
let's hear some gears and see some smoke

no dilly-dally
move your heiny
this is the age of "go for broke"

Refrain
sometimes you can fix something by just kissing some ass
if you don't mind humiliation

sometimes you can fix something by just smoking a pipe
academic contemplation

V2
so pathetic no mechanic
no steady eye, no magic touch

no screwdriver
ball peen hammer
mr. fix-it's gone to lunch

Extension 1
not personal?
yeah it's personal..
what did i ever do to you?

no crap from
contraptions
just do what i tell you to do

Refrain x 2
sometimes you can fix something by just blaming your mom
everybody loves a victim

sometimes you can fix something by just cracking a joke
humor is greasy lubrication

sometimes you can fix something by just cooking the books
wealth is all about perception

sometimes you can fix something by just smoking a joint
stoner free association

Solo

V3
broke down, lifeless
junkyard worthless
no tweezer jesus in the house

so desperate
so dependent
pay any price to dope it out

Extension2
i want genius
i wanna suss
the perfect kluge, the devil glitch

oh, hosanna
socket messiah
the only jesus worth a shit

sometimes you can fix something by not going to church
I've met too many evil Christians

sometimes you can fix something by just being against being against the establishment of the church
antidisestablishmentarianism

sometimes you can fix something by just suing the son of a bitch
tie 'em up in litigation

sometimes you can fix something by just going home
maybe the answer's back in Cleveland

sometimes you can fix something by hot-wiring the fuse
tho you may risk electrocution

sometimes you can fix something with just a better glue
high coefficient of adhesion

sometimes you can fix something by just paying 'em off
then get on with what you're doing

sometimes you can fix something by not being home
avoid unwanted solicitations

sometimes you can fix something by just having the stones
if you can't get no satisfaction

sometimes you can fix something by just listening to The Who
sing "my my gen gen gen er a tion"

sometimes you can't fix something by just playing pinball
tho Tommy's such a stupid album

sometimes you can fix something by just speaking your mind
that right is in the constitution

sometimes you can fix something by just biting your tongue
they say silence is golden

sometimes you can fix something by just writing a book
go on talk shows 'round the nation

sometimes you can fix something by just reading a book
turn off that goddam television

sometimes you can fix something by just having a snack
hunger wrecks your concentration

Sometimes you can fix something by just killing the joke
Yes that’s a banana, and no not glad to see ya

Sometimes you can fix something by just checking it out
Check it out check it out check it out

Sometimes you can fix something by just paying the rent
Avoid the trauma of eviction

Sometimes you can fix something by just remembering that something needs fixing
A Post-It note or string ‘round your finger

Sometimes you can fix something by just using a GPS
If you can stand ‘lectronic nagging

Sometimes you can fix something by just going to the beach
But please don’t talk to the lifeguard

Sometimes you can fix something by just hitting the slopes
Otherwise…what’s the point of winter?

Sometimes you can fix something by just shaving your legs
A small concession to beauty

Sometimes you can fix something by just not shaving your legs
Revolt against the myth of beauty

Sometimes you can fix something by just watching the skies
Look out for alien invaders

Sometimes you can fix something by just playing alien invaders
Retro arcade games are groovy

Sometimes you can fix something with please and thank you
Being polite ain’t gonna kill ya

Sometimes you can fix something by just doin’ the right thing
It will make you feel better

Sometimes you can fix something by just expecting respect
I don’t just want it, I demand it.

Sometimes you can fix something by just betting everything ya got
Got to be in it to win it

Sometimes you can fix something by just counting your blessings
Tho you’ll still be a cynic.

8 couplets contributed by Chris Bradley:

sometimes you can fix something by just walking away
leave it for investigation

sometimes you can fix something by just tiring it
soak it up and feel exhaustion

sometimes you can fix something by just going around
stay clear of limitations

sometimes you can fix something by just closing your eyes
just meditation

sometimes you can fix something by just going to town
go around forcing jugulaton

sometimes you can fix something by just going to hell
bitch for can fuck shim megalation

sometimes you can fix something by just filling a void
everyone needs some validation

sometimes you can fix something by just drinking a beer
to make the most of fermentation

42 couplets contributed by John Nicholas and Brad Johnson:

Sometimes you can fix something by
Jacking up your car

Sometimes you can fix something by
Taking it too far

Sometimes you can fix something by
Eating a Klondike bar

Sometimes you can fix something by
Counting to ten

Sometimes you can fix something by
Sniffing your fingers

Sometimes you can fix something by
Then sniffing them again

Sometimes you can fix something by
Where have they been?

Sometimes you can fix something by
Wonder where they've been

Sometimes you can fix something by
Wearing a different hat

Sometimes you can fix something by
Petting your cat

Sometimes you can fix something by
not doing that

Sometimes you can fix something by
Don’t do that

Sometimes you can fix something by
You won’t like what happens next

Sometimes you can fix something by
Don’t do that

Sometimes you can fix something by
You won't like what happens next

Sometimes you can fix something by
Tearing it apart

Sometimes you can fix something by
Speaking from the heart

Sometimes you can fix something by
Starting from the start

Sometimes you can fix something by
Wearing fancy clothes

Sometimes you can fix something by
Powdering your nose

Sometimes you can fix something by
Speaking clever prose

Sometimes you can fix something by
To be or not to be

Sometimes you can fix something by
Looking at yourself

Sometimes you can fix something by
Making silly faces

Sometimes you can fix something by
Changing your perspective

Sometimes you can fix something by
Giving a second glance

Sometimes you can fix something by
Doing a safety dance

Sometimes you can fix something by
Put a chicken in a trance

Sometimes you can fix something by
Staying out of sight

Sometimes you can fix something by
Fastening your safety belt

Sometimes you can fix something by
Taking the first flight

Sometimes you can fix something by
Filling it with fuel

Sometimes you can fix something by
And controlling it's combustion

Sometimes you can fix something by
Calling the Dayman AHH AHHH AHH

Sometimes you can fix something by
Fighter of the Nightman AHH AHHH AHHH

Sometimes you can fix something by
By making a Rum Ham

Sometimes you can fix something by
Rum Ham Rum Ham

Sometimes you can fix something by
Yummy Yummy

Sometimes you can fix something by
Rum Ham

Sometimes you can fix something by
Rum Ham Rum Ham

Sometimes you can fix something by
Yummy Yummy

Sometimes you can fix something by
Rum Ham

17 couplets contributed by DUTCH BABIES:

Sometimes you can fix something by
Listening to Nirvana, or maybe moving to Florida

Sometimes you can fix something by
Bringing back the scientist, or quite likely climbing Mt. Everest

Sometimes you can fix something by
Justifiable homicide, a page from the Little Book of Mormon

Sometimes you can fix something
Like a thoroughbred racehorse, you can win money, his name is Secretariat

Sometimes you can fix something
With silver bullets and werewolves, a solid shiny nugget – the Cult of Accountability

Sometimes you can fix something by
Tossing it all in the well 2 hell, nothing ever comes back from there to tell

Sometimes you can fix something by
The hardest way possible, this is called waterproof mascara

Sometimes you can fix something
With candy and flowers, I love you, yes I do – swoon

Sometimes you can fix something by
Declaring there’s no problem, Hey, look, I’m moving away from failure

Sometimes you can fix something by
Smiling hugs – How you been?, good to see you – so good

Sometimes you can fix something by
Wearing mascara, don’t let that guy-liner scare you

Sometimes you can fix something by
Dropping trou, dance around with no pants

Sometimes you can fix something
With chocolate and flowers, I love you, yes I do

Sometimes you can fix something by
Declaring there’s no problem, everything’s perfect today

Sometimes you can fix something by
Moving on from failure, Midas Touch on the run

Sometimes you can fix something
With a fishtail parka, 18 below zero today

Sometimes you can fix something
With a short text message stating the facts, who, what, where and why

19 couplets contributed by Rebecca Turner:

Sometimes you can fix something by just petting a cat
The soft fur is relaxing

Sometimes you can fix something by just petting a goat
Though he might eat your shoelaces

Sometimes you can fix something by just petting an owl
Get some wiseness by osmosis

Sometimes you can fix something by just petting a dog
(beat) Like petting god, but backwards

Sometimes you can fix something by just petting a gnu
They like to start things very quietly

Sometimes you can fix something by just petting a fox
They are totally fantastic

Sometimes you can fix something by just petting a horse
You might just see a different color

Sometimes you can fix something by just petting a cow
Maybe he'll give you a good milkshake

Sometimes you can fix something by just petting some swine
Just keep a tight grip on your pearls

Sometimes you can fix something by just petting a snake
They can help you smooth it over

Sometimes you can fix something by just petting a bee
She might sting some sense into you

Sometimes you can fix something by just petting an ant
pet ant pet ant pet ant pet ant

Sometimes you can fix something by just petting a sloth
The view from upside-down's inspiring

Sometimes you can fix something by just petting a schmoo
Fry it up, it tastes like chicken

Sometimes you can fix something by just petting a whale
Their size will put it in perspective

Sometimes you can fix something by just petting a moose.
And share a healthy meal of berries

Sometimes you can fix something by just petting a clam.
Turns out you didn't need that finger

Sometimes you can fix something by just petting a quail.
Don't get between it and Dick Cheney.

Sometimes you can fix something by just petting a flea.
Or squash it and a cat will thank you.

11 couplets contributed by Mike iLL:

Sometimes ya can fix something by removing the melody
So no one notices you're tone deaf

Sometimes ya can fix something by ignoring the rhyme scheme
So you can focus on the substance

Sometimes ya can fix something by making up the words as ya go
So you can sound rather hesitant

Sometimes you can fix something by getting little girls dressed in the morning
So you can go out to the craft store

Sometimes you can fix something by making them record something
"Can you put my shoes on me, Daddy?" Of course, darling.

Sometimes you can fix something by asking the older one to say something (say something)
And then she's shy

Sometimes ya can fix something by pressing the stop button
And saying, "Rinah, would you please say something?"

Sometimes you can fix something by letting the dog out in the backyard
So he can poop and pee in the morning

Sometimes ya can fix something by waking up early enough
To have a little bit of down time.

Sometimes you can fix something by staying up late enough
To make up something that is a meaningless rhyme or a crime

Oh Gosh, I'm stuck in the rhyme circle of meaninglessness
Noooooooo! Stop!

8 couplets contributed by Maiku:

Sometimes you can fix something by letting it all out,
That's what I love from George Rhubarb

Sometimes you can fix something by taking a walk in the park,
And turn off the television

Sometimes you can fix something by making a fool of yourself,
And lose all your inhibitions

Sometimes you can fix something by losing your faith,
All wars are based on religions

Sometimes you can fix something by just going out and party,
As long as you don't do something criminal

Sometimes you can fix something by overthrowing Prop 8,
Denying happiness to some is un-Constitutional

Sometimes you can fix something by not following song structure,
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?" was a great show, Rhubarb was awesome it should never have been taken off the air

Sometimes you can fix something by keeping your mouth shut,
" "